I have a ton of things I could say. It seems like forever since I've written things down, and so many things have happened. But I can't think of anything to really say. I had some pretty extreme ups and some pretty extreme downs which are the great equalizer. In the end, I may be slightly above water. I wanted to write about these great times when I could feel God moving in me. I wanted to tell you all about it, but I was scared it would stop, and I would be left standing there embarrassed that I was so weak.
I think where I'm at now is a product of both God's intervention and my own destructive traits. I am always trying to ruin what God is doing. It comes easy. I don't even have to practice being an idiot. Give me a blessing and I will shit on it. Needless to say, this is not my greatest feature. So that sucks, so I'll focus on my good ones for now...even though I should be working on the bad ones. I've always been a procrastinator. But in the end, my biggest fear is that my brothers are gonna take me with them slowly. Or really that I'm going to follow them without blinders into this abyss with my stupidity.
My spirit won't let that happen. My family won't either. When I am weak, they have always been strong. When I've been weak, God has always reminded me who I am. Usually, He takes me through who I was to remind me that I'm not made of anything soft. I fight. You have to fight sometimes. Things go well and you forget that sometimes you have to stand your ground and get bloody.
Thanks for reading...Z