Everyone is mad about something. Someone has hurt them in some way or someone has stirred up the wound another person has made many years ago. Both ways, anger ensues. I am an offender. Lines piss me off. Slow drivers piss me off. People who don't wave when you let them go first piss me off. People that say nothing when you hold the door for them piss me off. I'm not wrong I don't think, in being slighted, but I am probably wrong in caring if they do these things at all. People are rude and mean and I probably should have already figured this out and expected it. But I don't want to expect the worst in people.
I think the real problem here is the people that do right. I think they should be blamed for the entire world expecting something better. They do these selfless acts and bleed for people they have never met. They give their money and time to help strangers in need...and they don't even have the common courtesy to take credit for their disastrous mistakes. They are the reason that people still believe in goodness. They are the sad ones.
When I get really bound up inside with anxiety and anger, I think about things that no one can destroy. No one can destroy the sky you look up to at night...at least not yet. No one can destroy your memories of beautiful things...unless dementia has sunk it's terrible teeth into you. No one can destroy who you are inside. It is you and you alone that does that.
We can't control the things that have made us angry. This is an issue that I have battled for the last 6 years. We can control our response. This is also an issue I have battled for the last 6 years. It's easy to blame other people for the things that someone else has done. It's easy to forget the things that you love about being alive. I think many people forget that other people are also human, so we train ourselves to stop caring about them unless we have a really good reason to.
When I get really mad, I usually want to destruct myself or someone else. In the times I succeed in not acting out of anger, it's usually because I remembered the reason I loved the people that have hurt me in the first place.
I think about laying in a huge open field at night with the fog moving in on us. We were wearing the same leather jackets, three shades of the same brown color. We all had rockets and those rockets had wicks that would send them into the heavens. They also had parachutes that would help us find them when they fell. We laid on the grass with the dew treating our faces no different from the grass as it surrounded us. We talked all night. I don't need to explain that; we all have had those conversations with someone we love dearly. In the end, we would get up and one by one light those rockets and watch them disappear into the sky. We didn't even look for them. I don't think any one of us wanted to know that they ever came down. These were the nights that make me smile when I am so angry at them. They help me hang on to hope in humanity.
Thanks for reading...Z