Monday, April 27, 2015


     It may just be that throwing up your hands and resigning to not know all of the answers is the correct answer. I may not seem very analytical to you in person. But really, I do think about things, maybe too much, and obsess about what things really mean. Sometimes, things don't mean anything at all. Sometimes things happen because of random chance and the fault doesn't belong to any particular person or incident. This is a hard concept to accept for me because I have always believed that there was a purpose to everything and that some things demand our attention.

     Man I'm tired of writing negative things and feeling negative feelings. I have this desire for justice and sometimes maybe justice isn't for me to judge or experience. Maybe character is built through injustice. Maybe this is my lesson to be learned and I can move on. I simply don't know and I'm tired of thinking about it. So maybe the answer to injustice is to throw up your hands and let what has happened remain in the past. The last bit of anger left inside me may be related to people not getting what they deserve. That's a bad place to be I think. I can't really fathom what I deserve, so I have a self righteous view of justice. That's a problem because I believe I am right, but I just may be wrong.

     It's exhausting. So I'm going to try and leave it behind and move toward the sun. I'm going to try and stop wishing bad things on people I consider bad people and stop thinking about them at all. Right now, I need to think about the way the sand feels between my toes and the sound of rain and thunder as I am laying down to sleep. I need to spend some really quality time with people that breathe positivity and light into the world. The Bible says that God's people are the light of the world. Maybe with all of this darkness, I am seeking the wrong sources of light. For once, I should let go of my own devices and throw up my hands and let the world be the world and let the sun shine on me and through me.


 I'm not me. I haven't been me for a long time now. I want to be me. So I have to try to be me again.


Thanks for reading...Z