Sunday, November 2, 2014


I do have the tendency to speak negatively. I've seen my share of reasons to think this way. I've witnessed horror. I so often write about my failures on this blog.


This is what keeps me believing in pure beauty. This is why God exists for me.

Every weekend for at least one of the two nights, Laura and I sit in the basement, have some drinks, and talk about everything there is to talk about. We make time for each other. I think the very thing that fails marriages is the lack of effort to be alone with each other. I have failed at so many things, but I take pride in my marriage. We both value each other and the time we spend together. There are a lot of tearful things I could say about my wife saving me, but I'll save that for another day. Today I'll focus on what keeps us excited all week for the weekend.

1. We never go to bed mad...ever. We get it out. We may scream and shout and turn red faced, but we let it go.
2. We don't keep records of wrongs. We don't just keep bringing up old things every time we get mad. When we forgive, we forgive. Some things resurface, but we stomp them before they surface.
3. We know that each other has parts that are broken.We don't push on the painful places. We are always listening for signs of them getting worse, but we don't try to change each other. We listen and we pray. When I look at my wife, I see no judgement. We know why each other makes chronic mistakes.
4. We celebrate and mourn together. I won't speak much on this. Laura has done too much for me to even try to explain.
5. Money isn't everything. We care, but don't. We live modestly and spend our money on the people that stand to reap the greatest benefit...our kids. We spare no cost in their activities. We just want to give them a chance. Nothing will bring two people together more than cheering together when their daughter wins gold in skating or their son scores the only run in the little league all star game.
6. We don't undermine each other. Sometimes we make mistakes and let the kids manipulate us, but we try hard to be on the same page. In parenting, you are in this together for the long haul, so you should have the same goals. If not, compromise and stand with each other.
7. We do not stray. We have both received compliments and propositions from other people. We walk away every time. We have more than enough in each other. There is simply no life apart from each other. Any idea that there is something better on the other side is a lie and we both know it. We know the other will not betray our trust.
8. We listen. We have disagreements and strong opinions. We don't disregard the other's feelings or outlook. We listen and think. We may still disagree, but we do so in mutual respect, knowing the other understands where we are coming from.
9. We trust. Laura doesn't have to ask my opinion before she makes a decision that effects the whole family. She has proven herself to be smart and capable of running our house. That being said, we try to make big decisions together to give the other an avenue to speak their mind.
10. We Never Give Up. Ever. Every marriage has it's downs. We've had ours. We have seen so much pain. We have seen so many struggles. We have fought and we have wept, but we are in it for good. The thing that makes me so sad about a lot of divorces that I see is that I have seen the other side of their struggle in people that stuck it out. I've seen marriages that seemed doomed become so strong that lightning couldn't separate them. Sometimes you just have to wait and work hard. Sometimes you have to change your mind about what vows mean when you make them. Life is life and death is death. Someday I hope to die holding my wife's hand.


Thanks for reading...Z