Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Prayers in my Sweat

What do you do to overcome your weaknesses?

In my case, my weaknesses overcome my strengths, although my strengths may overcome another's strengths. In my case, I learn to fight. I search inside of myself and find anger and release, then repeat. It is amazing the way anger manages to hold on to you like it is trying to survive a fall from a cliff. Happiness is easily forgotten. Blessings are easily forgotten. Accomplishments are easily forgotten. Anger stays for the long haul. Why?

So I run it out. I have explored in my life many more unhealthy ways of alleviating the ache in my heart, but running was the first to be productive. I need to believe I am stronger than the things I cannot control. God has always assured that with Him I am, but the utter humanity in us desires to see it with experience.

So I ran once. Then I ran again, and again, and again, and again, and again. I ran until I felt better and my fists were no longer clinched. I ran until I was too exhausted to display anger in my life. I ran until my chest expanded and air filled my lungs in their entirety. I experienced what God promised me. I could do anything with Him. He gives me strength. I run because I have to purge and scream and hate and fire and break down. Then I breathe and thank God for the strength to overcome my flesh and release to Him my fear and anger. See, I see running as a form of prayer. For some, our words alone are our prayers. For others, our tears alone. For me, my words are only a small part of the communication I need. I need to feel it. I need to feel the exhaustion that requires God to hold me up. My sweat is prayer.

When God says to give Him your troubles, this is the only way I have been able to interpret that in a way I can understand. I give it to Him though my suffering and ability to prevail.


 Thanks for reading...Z