Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Way It Feels To Wake Up

I know I haven't posted for a while I have been on "Vacation!!!!" I have also been evaluating the way workless days and beautiful sunsets effected my mood. I am still at a stand still. This morning I woke up sad. Was it because I am home from Up North? Was it because I have only 3 more days until the end of vacation? I don't know. I am just riding the ride, not analyzing it. The sun comes up and I wake the same flesh I was the night before, but my constitution seems to be different. I am not gonna write about how sad it is to be depressed...this thought bores even me. I just wanna write about how weird it is to wake a different person. Yesterday my first thought was that I hoped the coffee wasn't too strong and couldn't wait to sit under the sun and read a book. This morning I was hoping I was still dreaming when I woke. This bout isn't gonna be bad....I can feel that already. The first days of the bad spells are usually the worst and leave me like crinkled paper on the floor. Today I just felt a dolphin at Sea World might feel on Thursday during a school year. He didn't feel like performing, but when he did, there were only 3 people watching. I am not gonna need Hospice for this one, just a great new album or a life re-defining movie and I'll be fine. This one doesn't feel like the end.

But the change from day to day doesn't make me write to you. It's the view of what that change means to me, from my own eyes. It's the view from two different people's eyes. One sees the losing horse, the other sees a really brave attempt by a horse with a broken leg.

Here is a list of blessings that make things brighter and are probably the reason I am not emotionally crippled right now.

1. Most of the world has it way worse.
2. I got a new job! This was the ONE I wanted.
3. Most importantly, my daughter still calls me daddy, and son still asks me if I am proud of him. My wife always believes the best of both.

Is that all anyone could ask for or what?


Thanks for reading...Z