Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Facebook is changing over to the Timeline look of your profiles which allows users to go back and view the history of one's life. This is both wonderful and scary at the same time. It is like taking a snapshot of a person's entire life and saving it for whoever wants to look in at any time. I can understand that some people hate this new feature. I personally like it a lot, however stalker friendly it may be.

I went back tonight to my posts from when Will died. I have had a series of dreams of him still being alive over the past few nights which brought me to do such a dumb thing. I realized while reading posts that I can remember my tears flowing over, that I have a lot of people who care about me, and cared about Will. I read really awkward posts of condolences from people I have barely spoken to in years, just speechless in the words to say, but were caring enough to try. Of course you didn't have words to say. No one would. There are no words to make a person feel better when their hearts have been crushed, but the attempt is worth more to me than the effort. God has a way of protecting His children. I was angry and bitter at Him, yet He sends people out of the woodwork to lift me up out of the mud.

I have been going back there all day. It is weird, because I avoid thinking about Will as much as I can, because as wonderful as he was and as much as I loved him, remembering him still brings me pain. Today, the dreams would not allow me to avoid the feelings they intended. I just prayed for God to tell Him that I miss him. I pray that prayer at least twice a week and hope when I get to Heaven, he says that he missed me too.

When you look at a historical timeline, you are looking at the significant events of that period of history. I believe that Will spikes a very significant event in my history. The moment my faith was pushed and tested until it broke and God's grace fully engulfed me. Below is my timeline as I remember it.

1978- I was born
1981- I meet my little brother Andy
1983- My father wins the paternity case (No blood tests allowed)
1988- I get tuberculosis and spend a half a year out of school and in therapy
1991- Suicide is introduced into my life by a school friend over his parents divorce.
1993- I meet Will and Joe
1997- My first daughter is born
1997- I meet Jesus
1999- I meet my future wife
2001- I marry my wife
2003- My son is born
2006- My second daughter is born
2007- I contact my sister and get rejected
2009- Will passes away
2010- The crushing of my spirit
2011- I come alive again


Thanks for reading...Z