Monday, September 12, 2011


There was one color. White. Snow was everywhere and we had the day off from school. We went to the park in front of Will's house. It wasn't really a park, but a lot of grass that had led a driver years prior to slam into his living room with his car in the middle of the night. It was a great day to play in the snow, even for a sophomore in high school that really wished he could be a kid again.

We called our creation p#nis de milo. It was an 8 foot statue of Frosty with a 3 foot ***censored***.  We may never have cared about it or what happened to our 6 hour creation, but we cared about creating something. I think that is what I miss the most about my brother, besides his hearty laugh, I miss his passion to create. Especially create with me. We invented toilet paper rockets and songs and tools, and so many phrases. At least once a week, I repeat one of them and explain it's meaning to my wife.

So much went wrong so fast. Never has anyone been hit so hard while carrying such a fragile heart. It really was the perfect storm. I was thinking about it today in church...people are terrible to each other. They really do not think of it's possible repercussions. Not that any one person caused Will to make this profoundly wrong choice, but many, including him made a series of destructive choices. People saw his innocence and gentle spirit as weakness, so they stomped him as much as they could to get where they wanted to go.  The problem is, they wanted hell instead of Heaven. They wanted the things this world offers instead of the truth. He wanted to be loved unconditionally.

Sometimes I hate living this rotten world. Sometimes I love it, after witnessing a real transformation by God. Most days, as my friends know well, I love the beauty of God, but hate the evil more. This isn't right. This isn't what God meant when He offered "Life to the fullest." He offered much more, but we get caught trying to fix "Life to it's emptiest."

We can't fix anything. We are helpless. We are unable to change even one thing. It is God who does this work. God is the ONE that comes to save our dreadful existence.

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Thanks for reading...Z