Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Deformed Animal Crackers

There is this product they sell, called Calm. It is Magnesium. We bought it to help with my son's nervous issues, inherited from his father. You mix it with some water and fixed, you are calm. I wish it worked that well, truth is that it's Ok. But if a person invented something that really would work like that and actually give you peace, that person would win the Nobel peace prize (for obvious reasons).

Sometimes, I have to tell myself to breathe, my chest gets so tight. I will find myself writhing in my chair accepting all stimulation and sweating. It builds up I think...this tension that drains your energy and makes you want naps 3 times a day.

Many wake in the morning and grab some coffee and try to stimulate their nerves so they can be successful at work or wherever. I just try to relax. I listen to really mellow music and drive with the windows rolled down so I can feel the wind on my face and sway with the branches. When I get to wherever I am going, I am loud and obnoxious. I demand attention, not because I want attention, but because I cannot keep my mouth shut. For the most part, I hate attention because of the nervous problems I have. I cannot help myself. So when I get home, I want to spill out and absorb peace. But I have kids. So, here at night, I write and listen to "Sad" music and go for walks and enjoy the sound of the world sleeping. It isn't normal, but it is me. I didn't buy this ticket, but I really enjoy the ride most times.

God makes people different. People are different because God willed them to be. God desired each friendship with us to be unique and unlike any other. There is nothing new under the sun, but every person made in the hands of God is unique and interesting. It is interesting to look at our lives and see the way our differences have served to make us who we are or shape something or someone around us. It is cool to see the way things pan out. It is especially cool to see the way our differences are used to accomplish things eternal and things unexplainable. We bleed bright God's love when we allow ourselves to hemorrhage our fears, anxieties, and insecurities. We spill out to all of those surrounding us. Sometimes, the very things we hate the most about ourselves are the very things that make us unique and special to others and most importantly to God. If God wants to make a gingerbread man with a missing arm, does that cookie taste any different? I purposely eat the deformed animal crackers first because they are fun and different. I realize, not everyone feels this way, but I do, and I think that God may too.


Thanks for reading...Z