Sunday, May 15, 2011


Every punch produces a counter punch. You get hit, and strike back. You may fall, but you get up and stare your opponent eye to eye in the center of the ring. Your eyes bleed blood never expressed through words or ink. You bleed through rage, and fear, and will. All of the sudden your past becomes the fault of the person standing right in front of you and it doesn't matter how tough they are. Or you are. It matters what you have inside you.

Why does a guy go to church his whole life while still doubting the existence of God? Because he is trying to find a way to fight back. Because life has beaten him down and he is out of ideas. Out of punches. Out of time to recover. He sits in the benches of that church looking for something that will help him battle. He finds it every Easter when they talk about a beaten Jesus rising from the dead, but loses it again, when the pastor speaks about forgiveness. Is there a happy medium to rage? Is there this amount of hate that is Ok to harbor, as long as it fuels you to fight?

Jesus said 70 times 7. I think that means 490. I think that means as much as you get punched...forgive.

This isn't an easy passage for me to live, even as I tell 16 year old kids to forgive their family who has stolen everything from them. I still remember my hate. It doesn't go away easily. It fights just like you, because it has you believing you need it to survive. It has you believing that it has kept you safe for this long. But it hasn't has it? It has broken your heart too many times. You hold on to it like a dying daughter, but it stings you like a viper when your guard is down. See, we are fooled into believing our strength is in what lies deep and sometimes dormant in our hearts. All along, it was a not so silent God giving us what we have needed. Not vengeance, but God. We mistake the two very easily. I have to find a way to let go of what people have done to me and so do you. Christ reigns in all things. Christ heals all things. Christ is involved in you. We too often are involved in us too. Let go!

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Thanks for reading...Z