Tuesday, April 5, 2011


I hear trains in the distance. It's almost time to leave. "Micah"

I have been learning Final Cut Pro for the last week. One of the most complicated programs for sure. I see why most stick to iMovie and call it a day. I have been practicing on the footage from the movie I wrote and filmed, but never finished. I am learning slowly, but today, the process began to stick. I actually got on a roll editing. I never thought that was possible. I think I may cut together a shorter version of the movie. I have a long way to go, but cutting this together is really exciting. It will be nice that have something as a record of the years of sweat, money, and sacrifice we put into filming this movie.

I am feeling like myself now. I forgot how I feel since I have been medicated to cure who I am. I like who I am when I can feel things. I like me much better. Not naive, I know there are gonna be these grueling lows that leave me comatose, but I like that feeling better than just functioning.

A few short and vague differences between robotic me and the one that my flesh gets to wear:

I want to go to bed early like a grown up.
I don't really have much of a problem getting out of bed.
Mood is stabilized.
I feel flatlined.

I want to watch the sun rise before I go to bed.
I would rather create than compete against the number crunching trolls. (Sheenism lol)
I notice the little things, like chipped paint on an old bicycle or the flower missing a petal.
I want to go outside again.

Most importantly: I have missed this intense feeling of helplessness to save myself or anything around me. I am completely reliant on God. When I have been emptied out, God fills me up. There is nothing better than being filled by God.  Nothing.


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