Sunday, March 20, 2011
Mosaic- Chapter 5- Later
Flashes of light. A gown twirls like a ballerina in unison with the wind. Her flesh is like the flesh taken from a classic painting. She looks at me like she knows me, like we had met before and I just couldn't remember. The lights of the hall seemed attracted to her as her hair reflected every beam back into our eyes. She was noticed by a lot guys that night. A new entry in to the meat market that is Christian dating. The problem is that we are all looking for Christians. There simply does not seem to be enough of them.
I was 7,831.27042 days or boards old. Only a couple years from the tracks, the iron that would not bend except for the force of the power of God. My life as I knew it had been spent walking toward something. I believed it was the tracks that acted as a magnet that drew me to them. I was wrong. Kind of. I needed those tracks to finally get the point. The point of all things. The whole reason for life. Love. Maybe not the kind if love we are accustomed to. Maybe it is a love that we have never experienced, at least I hadn't. It was a love that while devoid of butterflies, leaves you searching for truth. A love that may seem to leave you to your own destruction, but shines when it sees you in redemption. My life was headed for those tracks. But the reason wasn't for death. The reason was to give me a small glimpse of hope.
When a human gets hope, there is nothing on this world that can stop him. You can bring the fire and rain and he will endure it. You can take his flesh and he will see the other side of terror. A man with hope in a Savior ever watching and providing is the most powerful weapon. I had no idea what was in my slightly distant future.
I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve her. And I especially didn't deserve their mother. I never will and that is beautiful to me because it continuously paints a picture of who God is and what He is really about. See God isn't about minor fixes and small battles, although He reigns in them too in our lives. God is about total and complete victory. God is about releasing who He is on His beloved Creation. We resist, but fail. He will not be stopped in His righteousness. He stopped that train from ending my conscious thoughts. But even if he hadn't, His hand would still have been on me, even if committed sin against my very being and Creator. He would have held my head until my eyes closed. Even if this one person rejected the gift He had given, He would have loved me until the end because our God hates death. He hates sorrow. He hates pain of any kind. But God does give us a choice because a choice to follow Him is glory to Him. So while He has the power and strength to force every horse to drink, He does not. He still leads them, but their tongues may remain in their mouths if they choose. In my case, there was no more denying who was providing the water. I had to drink. I had to give all I was to my Creator...because I was and still am...nothing at all.
So I met her. I went on dates with her. We drove around all night learning about each other. I needed only one night to write in my journal that she was the one. I believed it more than anything. I was right because Jesus was righteous. I had never heard God speak so clearly to me. I had been saved by God. My soul, my heart, and my hands. God used her to save the rest.
The heat and fire melted the cold that the steel put in me. The walk through hell showed me just how magnificent Heaven must really be. How graceful and loving our Creator.
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I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.