Saturday, January 15, 2011

Into The Fog Part 2

What if we were to just pick up the things that mean the most to us and just walk away. Right into the fog. Does it really matter what's on the other side? Living in fear of what may be in there is no picnic. It is really hard to let our skeletons die. Skeletons were made to lie silently in the ground forgotten. We walk away from skeletons because we know that the person who inhabited them once isn't there.  They are long gone, hopefully somewhere much better. Skeletons have a way of sticking around though. They haunt us like our own shadows as we pass along the ground. These things are sorrow. These things we can't and do not really want to stop mourning. After a while they become part of us. At least they stay. At least they don't promise something with their mouths as their eyes drift away. We know what to expect from them. We always have them. Comfort. Stability in instability. But the thing about skeletons is that they are rotting and nasty. We can't live with them forever. I can keep visiting those same places over and over and think about times that we were happy there. I can think about Will and how much he always meant to me. I can remember all of these priceless times we had. The ways that we connected without speaking. I can sit outside that house all night long staring through the cobwebbed windows and he still won't be in there. He isn't in there. It only feels that way. I have to leave them behind. I don't know if I am ready to do that, but I am getting there, slowly and weary, but I am pointed in the right direction even if the blindfold is still on and the lungs won't allow fast travel.

Whether I am ready or not. I am going to get up and walk into that fog and see what is next. I am gonna shake the whole way in fear and expect as I always do, the worst, but I will see what God has in store for me. I will see it with my eyes, and I have to believe it is brighter than the sun. I think a lot of us have these skeletons that haunt our days and nights in different ways. I think we are all staring at this dense fog that some just can not muster the courage to walk into. I think that it is much easier to stay put and find comfort in misery. But I cannot and will not believe that what is in that fog is meant to harm us in the long run. I don't think staying put forever is any way to live no matter how scary the alternative.


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