Saturday, December 11, 2010
On The Other Side Of Lights
So what comes next? What unexpected monster awaits behind the fog? This is the feeling I always have. What comes next? I don't know. There is both beauty and anxiety in that feeling. What is in front of me covered in the darkness and wrapped in the unknown may be the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced. It may be the beauty that lights the sun itself. It may be rapture. Or it may be more sorrow. I may be a disaster that rages like a hungry beast feasting on blood. It may be what happens next.
Unknown is scary for anyone I would imagine. It is hard to close your eyes and allow your faith to see for you. It is hard for me because so many things have gone wrong...then again, so much has gone right too. God has built me in fire. Melted away my pride and what most people would call dignity. I call it pride. David experienced this when he danced. He danced with no shame, he had nothing but God and he knew it. We are at His divine mercy. Some people think this is unfair. I can relate to that. I have felt like a pawn at times too...like God has made me for much less noble reasons. But who am I to question the potter when I am made from clay? Reality can be very relative to some. Some will only see the things they want to see and believe what they want to believe...true or not. Fear drives it. Fear fans the flames. People are afraid of the unknown and afraid that the worst could really happen.
I have seen beauty giggling in my arms and I have seen death so close I can smell it's awful stench. Both go together. There is no beauty without the death. A baby would never be so innocent and precious if we hadn't been profoundly hurt by the less than innocent. I often come across other Christians who are singing with me who just refuse to hear the wailing in the hearts of God's people. Things must be perfect for them to have peace, they must not allow any of the other side of reality to become known. I sympathize with them too. When I was a kid, I covered my eyes at the scary parts too. It would be easier to keep your eyes covered than to take a peek at the other side. For some, the other side is forced upon them. Keep your eyes closed all you want, but the rest of your senses will compensate. It will get in.
Maybe we can stop just for a moment and listen and crack those fingers apart just a little and try to understand those that don't see the world and faith exactly as you do. Maybe we can open our arms to them and embrace them. Be a shoulder to weep on, because the world's shoulders are cold and I don't have to tell you that. People need you. People need to be loved. People need to see God in the little things that God dwells in. People need to remember that as dark as it may seem, there is so much beauty still surrounding them. People need others to remember their names and listen to them when they speak. People need love.
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I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.