Saturday, November 13, 2010
What Still Remains
Last night, I had this dream. It was a weird continuation of an already weird dream. I think we all have this. It is a strange phenomenon, like deja vu. I was dreaming of this time I wrote about several months ago, that Will was still alive...somehow resurrected from his own ashes.
I was so mad at myself for lying to you. For writing about all of the sadness and grief, when he was still alive by some unheard and unheralded miracle of modern medicine. I was fighting with myself to tell you that he was alive and I was some kind of fraud for beckoning for you to weep with me. I was mad at myself, but happy that he was still with me. All the memories, all the feelings came rushing back. I was so excited to tell you the great news.
Then my eyes slowly opened. I looked up at the ceiling as the blurring twisted into focus. Reality. It still was one of my worst fears. Reality.
Then I realized that reality is what God has given us. What still remains. What still remains is amazing.
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I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.