Monday, November 8, 2010
I was watching Storm Chasers last night. It is a show on Discovery chronicling these tornado chasers as they try to get into the middle of a twister, the finger of God. On the show, there is this really nice guy working with a brash and unreasonable guy who is trying to get the perfect shot for his Imax film. On last night's episode, they dedicated it to the nice guy. His name was Matt Hughes, and after getting the shot for the Imax guy, and spending time inside a tornado for the very first time, he hung himself. He had a wife and two kids.
Bummed me out because he reminds me of Will. Super nice, but easy to take advantage of and quiet about what rages within. This is a tough time for me. When I was 12, I had a friend hang himself around this time. Christmas is coming and that is bringing a little bit of dread as well. I love Christmas and I don't think that is going to change, however, it may become bittersweet. It can bring both reflection on Christ and sadness. I can't believe it has already almost been a year. I still dream about him. I still see his face in others. I still feel the ghosts when I drive by the places we frequently set our feet down. I know he isn't there. I would never want him to be. I would never want him to still have to linger here, watching his family drone by at times.
I know where you are Will. I hate how you got there, but I know where you are and that gives me a smile through the tears. I will never forget a single moment spent with you. I miss our huge, moronic hats. I miss knowing you were around if I needed you, my big brother. I miss making Dorito sandwiches and baking pot roast in the night. I miss the way you played bass, simple, yet effective. I miss it all; everything. May God tell you how much I love you and may He never tell you how much I miss you.
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I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.