Saturday, November 6, 2010
I think life can be one big lesson in structural integrity. We build and collapse, rebuild. I think the point of the lesson is to learn how to prevent total collapse. It is easy to give up on everything when we are exposed for being weak in some areas. A building is only as strong as it's weakest part. A person can appear to have everything they need to weather any storm that might arise. The appearance of fortitude. Until God allows us to be exposed. The Bible says that things kept in secret will be dragged into the light. This is done for very good reason. It teaches us how to work on, particularly pray for help in the things that leave us vulnerable for collapse. Maybe down the road, we get hit hard, but do not collapse. Our structural damages and the cracks that cannot be filled in can serve as a blessing and an avenue to glorify God.
But there still is the learning. The learning sucks for people like me. I don't learn easy. Too much pride and stubbornness in my ways and thoughts. I for some reason actually believe I have it figured out sometimes. Dumb. I don't know anything except the existence of a loving and active God. I can't prove it, but my hope is that others at least see God's effect on my life.
I promise. You would not have liked me before God picked me up out of the mud. I wouldn't have liked you either. Not because you would have been a bad person, but because I was committed not to like anyone but my brothers Joe and Will. Looking where I have come from is an aid to reminding me how much work is left to do. I fear often that my relationship with God has peaked and He is finished with His mission and goals for my life. I know this isn't true. But I feel it all the same, I think in part to me being so tired of walking. So tired of everything it seems.
But it is during weakness and collapse that God is best glorified. When we have lost all will to try and keep fighting. When everyone is a witness to your shame and pity you. When all we can do is hope and rely on God to sustain us. This is when God really shines in us. This is the good stuff of life and faith. When faith is necessary comes beauty. For faith to become necessary, we must lose every inclination to take control.
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I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.