Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Die Smiling

"Papa died Sunday and I understood. All dead white boys, say God is good. White tongues hang out, God is good." -Iron & Wine

I like to think I will die smiling. Like I had the last laugh. Like I finally won. The fact is that people die. It doesn't make anyone bad and it doesn't make someone to blame. Death is what we bought when we disobeyed our Creator. We can get upset at God for allowing things and even rationalize that God wanted it to happen or willed it to, but in the end, we are still left with this curse of death. The grass dies every fall, any goldfish I have ever raised has died within two weeks, fish flies die within a day. We are dying the day we are born. This is life. But where does that leave faith? Faith is nothing mystical. Faith is belief, even though we are dying, we know we have hope. We are holding on with white knuckles to that belief that there has to be something on the other side of what we can see. There must be someone watching all of this.

Knowing something is being able to empirically prove it. So in a way, I cannot know God exists at all. I can feel His presence, know His Spirit as it encounters every fabric of who I am. I can read His word and the Spirit will help me understand what He is trying to tell me. I can tell you hundreds of stories of the things God has kept me alive through, but I cannot know with evidence that any of these things are true. But I can tell you this. This is a theme of my life right now. It has been since Will left us. God is good. I don't know much, but I know God is good. So for that reason, I believe I will die smiling.


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