What is this blog. Is it a "Christian" blog, made for Christians to read and grow with? Is it a blog for broken people searching for something different than what is in front of their faces? Is it entertainment to watch a guy break apart over electric lights and ideas?
I remember walking. I was drunk. I was walking. I had this bottle in my hand that I had almost finished. I was walking to this church at midnight. I dropped that bottle now empty and walked into that church for the last time. I stepped into that confession booth and told the guy everything I could remember doing wrong. I told him my entire life story over the last few months. I had walked these streets every night alone, looking for a way out of what I thought I knew to be the only real way to escape. This night, I knew there was no escape from a world that hates you. So I told him everything. He was alarmed. Anyone would be. I told him I didn't want to go to hell, but I believed it was my destiny. I had seen enough. I had heartbreak worse than I can even remember now. It hurt too bad.
I left and went to the tracks. That night, I saw God present in my life for the first time.
I don't know what this blog is. I started it as a way to express the things going on inside me. I wrote and wrote. Things happened that changed me, both for the bad and for the good, but I like to think it all has led to the good.
People I don't know read it. It is a weird thing if you think about it. People you have never met reading what is festering inside your head. Reading about the lessons you have learned from 15 years of heartbreak. Most people just like drama. I get it, I do too.
But I think the real issue here is that people who read forget that the person behind those letters typed with tears is a real live person. A person that is fragile and expressing their most cherished memories.
I write because I want people to see the truth. I have lived lies my whole life and finally want people to see what a real live broken person looks like and hopefully see what a real live God working in him looks like.
I am God's story. So are you.
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