Sunday, June 13, 2010
My other mom, Will's mom, Jo Ann gave me this clown a few weeks back. To most it just looks like a really cool Emmett Kelly clown, to me it means so much more than that. It was Will's grandmother's that she saved for her children and grand children. Will liked it, for reasons we do not know. When asked if there was anything of his grandma's that he wanted when she passed, he chose this, but asked his mom to hold on to it for him so the kids wouldn't break it.
I helped Jo Ann with something that any decent person would have helped her with and she was looking for a way to say thank you. She woke one morning a couple days later feeling she should give me this clown, for reasons she did not know. She did some research.
This clown's name was William (Weary Willy). Like Will. He worked on a railroad and was a mechanic. Like Will. He put his mark on everything, even his tie. Just like Will. The number 25 is written on his jacket pocket. The day Will died 12-25. And he totes a cross on his shoulder. Like Will.
This amazed all of us. It is weird. Makes us wonder why he liked it so much.
But what makes it really special for me is that I have always had a thing for sad clowns. I used to paint them on my walls when I was suicidal. I felt like a clown trying to fool everyone. I wore the make-up, but sported a frown.
I don't claim to know the significance, but it makes me feel joy nonetheless. It is one of the most precious things I have. And I could not be more thankful.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.