I really don't even have words. I just need to write something. Every night, I stare at this same illuminated screen and wonder what to write to convey life as I know it. I don't have anything. I am blank for words. I have all of these feelings, but no way to describe them. God is so good, yet I long for Heaven so badly. But still I fear it. It isn't the ideal way to feel, but it is something right? Feeling something is good. Without that we have stagnant memories. God gave us the ability to feel things for a very good reason. He knew that our perception would mean everything to us. The ways in which we experience life would define who we are going to be.
It isn't about right and wrong. Holy and unholy. It is about the sacrifice Christ made for us. He knows our pain and fears. He knows what we are up against and it isn't good.
I was sitting today thinking about my life. The good and bad of it. I sat and thought about my little brother Joe and how much I love that guy. I have known for as long as I have known God that I was here in his life for a reason. I have always felt compelled to pray for him and give myself to him. So I bleed from the same vein as him. I would walk through the fire and smoke for him. I would have for Will. I understand why I have been put in his life. I just wish I understood what it is I can do to help.