Sunday, April 25, 2010


We are studying Ecclesiastes in my small group Bible study. It is depressing. It brings to light just how careful we should be when asking God for wisdom, because ignorance truly is bliss. If we do not know, than we are not accountable for it. But what kind of life is ignorance? No one wants to be the fool who has no idea what is going on right in front of them. It may hurt a lot to know the truth, but I think in the long run, it hurts a lot more to be ignorant of it.

To be in the dark is confusion. Just try to get up and pee in the night with all the lights out and obstacles everywhere and you wind up hurt and cursing, or peeing in the closet. God allows mistakes in part to help us learn what the mistakes are, so we won't be in darkness. He drags us kicking screaming sometimes into the light. Us and all of our miserable sin get's exposed, and we are forced to make a choice: Will we repeat, or walk away in another direction. To repeat is foolish and common. To walk away is the beginning of understanding.

But do we really need to know the truth?

I don't know.

I wanted to know who my father was, what he looked like, and if he thought of me. I spent so many years searching. I found him. I contacted him three times without even a note in the mailbox in return. So I stupidly went for my sister and cousin. Only to be rejected as a misinformed sad soul. I was pitied, but turned away. I knew the truth, yet was written off as ignorant. Solomon would call this a "Chasing after the wind." "Meaningless." He would be right.

But at least now I know. I put myself out there like a fool to be rejected and the worst happened. I had these delusions of spending holidays with my new family that, after a grave mix up were so glad to have my family as part of theirs. Instead: Reality. I was sent kicking the can again, for the final time. The upside is that at least I know what kind of person my father really is. He is proud and he is a coward. He is the fool. He is left with no excuse. God gave him three chances and he ran every time, as if God did not know he was lying and weren't going to hold him accountable. The Bible says that a person who doesn't provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever. Enough said there.

I don't think we always end up happy once the truth is made known to us, but I think we do get a sense of peace and closure in being able to see straight.

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  1. There's nothing foolish about what you did. It was brave and righteous to seek those connections. It only reveals the truth that you were better off without him. The influence of a man like that could have ruined you for good. You can pray for his sick heart, but be thankful that you were not poisoned by it.

  2. I can relate to your story so much. It brings tears to my eyes. One day- one day in heaven it will ALL be made right.

  3. maybe you would have always wondered... there's a reason for everything under the sun.