Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Slow To Speak

Whatever leads me to Your heart, that's where I want to be. It may be rain, and it may be cold. My tears may fall like glass to the ground, and my soul may long for better days, but you are all I have, so lead me through whatever you will to bring me close to You.

I feel like my life is a mosaic made by my Creator. I look at these random and isolated incidents and can't believe I never saw what was really happening. I could see only right in front of my like some idiot race horse following a hot dog tied to his head. I am sure I ran right by at least a million hot dogs trying to chase that one. All the while, God was creating something in me. I like to think He has grinned more than a few times at my frustration, knowing where I was going to end up. Happy. The in between events don't mean much to me now. They are the wasting of my time on foolishness. It is the hurricanes that fascinate me; that floor me and leave me speechless. Those times when The glory of God is all around me and I don't even know it until I get past it. I can't see God, but I can see where He has been.

These are better days, days I never thought I would see at 19 years old. I saw only hopelessness and disappointment. I walked away from the good things because I never believed they were really good or would be what they were supposed to be. There was always something that made them too good to be true and I admit that most things still are too good to be true. There is a light that shines brighter than the brightest star shining into my once dark heart. He asks me not to forget to light up for Him. So people can find me and find God in me. God's art put on display through a cracked and tattered canvas.

Today makes me think of Will. Everyday does, but today I can think of him and smile. We used to cut school and lay on top of my car in the park all day, just talking about what it means to be 18 and here in this world. I miss him so much. I could never replace him. But God is good and faithful to heal, to take something so crushing and use it as an opportunity to expose His heart to me. He pushes me to expose mine to you. I am not perfect. Will was not perfect. You are not perfect. But God is. God offers it to us. It is strange how when a loved one dies, even their faults are precious to you. You can only see the great things that made them great, they become Superman to you more than ever. Why can't we see people that way now? Why can't even our faults draw us closer to each other? None of us are perfect, so why don't we celebrate the redemption Christ offers us and look past all faults and see the work of art God has done in our lives? I read some of the comments people post on others blogs. Some of the bloggers are spilling out their guts to the world and here comes a "Christian" onto a voluntary blog of another's thoughts and spew venom at them. Some people just want to be mean and argue. They say things they would never say in person to another human who still feels heartbreak even if it is over binary flashing lights. People are hateful. How about we be slow to speak and quick to listen?


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