I remember a time when my family went to Cedar Point with some of my mom's friends. I think I must have been 6 or 7 at the time. I remember the smell of corn dogs my mom loved so much. She always said Cedar Point had the best corn dogs you could get, then A&W. It was the 80's so we were drowning in a sea of mullets and fanny packs. Hot pink painters hats reflected the sun from their eyes and into yours as you made your way through the lines at 90 degrees.
We used to run ahead to get on the rides. I could not and still cannot stand to be even one person from the front of any line.
The people were eating their hot dogs and sweating as I slipped away from my mother's sight. It doesn't take much to get lost in 10 thousand people. I looked around and saw nothing by mullets and corn dogs. I was lost for the first time in my life. I was scared. I asked a worker in a blue cloak for help and they took me to the office where my mother was paged and I was returned to her.
It reminds me of when Jesus was hanging on that cross and was lost for the first time. He said. "My God, my God, why have you left me?" I can't even imagine what that felt like, but I can try. To be separated from your Father for the first time and to be alone must have been the worst part. After all of the beatings and blood, the horror and fear. The mocking. The insults. This is His only complaint. Where is His Father? His source of comfort. He needs his dad and He is lost.
Imagine the sorrow of the Father as He watched His only Son suffer like that and call out for daddy out of loneliness. I can only picture my own son. If he cried out for help, I would tear off my flesh to help him. To be held back would be torture worse than disembowelment.
We all feel lost from time to time. God has promised, because of His Son that He would never leave us or forsake us. I feel lost so much I don't often know where I even am. I try so hard and learn so much, but these things only have led to more questions. So I stop and take a breather. Look to my mentors and take comfort that they don't know everything either and remember that in this boat, we are all sitting in the storm. But here is Jesus still walking on water. Still offering healing. Still asking you to step out of that boat and walk.
Life really sucks sometimes. It hurts so bad that you can barely breathe. But other times, our God fills us up beyond what we could ever measure. Sometimes, our Father lifts us up to the sun for a little light. We are not always in darkness. We are not always cursed. Sometimes we are the very heart of God shown for all to see, despite every broken and lost part of us.
Let your love be art and your heart be one with Him.
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