Thursday, January 21, 2010


When do sea gulls fly south for the winter? Also does it make southerners mad that they have to house the birds of the north? As I write, there are gulls swirling around my head like I am some sort of mark that is too dumb to know he is about to 1. Be killed by swirling gulls or 2. Be mercilessly pooped on.

The water is beautiful today. Small pieces of ice float by with the current smashing against the rest as they hit the boardwalk, making piles that resemble Superman's crystal home.

People handle their grief in different ways. Some hold it in and pretend, grieving alone. Some turn it to anger and sit there for the rest of their lives. Some let it happen naturally and walk away from it when it is dull. Some share it. I share it. Have no idea if that is good in the long run. But I have decided that I will give people everything, that's why I started this blog in the first place. I kept a journal, but after a while it occurred to me that maybe my secret thoughts shouldn't be secret anymore and that maybe God's shines through honesty. Right now I am just trying to see God in any way I can. God said "Blessed are those that mourn, for they will be comforted." That's what I am looking for. I pray, but somehow I have always been lead out here where God's creation is wild and untouched. It is places like these that give me comfort because of their divine beauty.

I think it may be a little different if the method and circumstances of Will's death were different, more natural than they were. I have disturbing dreams and images keep me up all night. The thought that he hurt that bad, tears me from my peace. I think tranquility is the key for me right now; To focus on God and search for Him in His beauty.

We will not be defeated. The enemy tried to kill us and he took my brother, but we will not be defeated, because greater is He who is in us than in this world. God will prevail and already has.


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1 comment:

  1. "For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their Shepherd, and He will guide them to springs of living water;and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

    Revelation 7:17

    "Lord Jesus Christ, You suffered the loss of Your beloved foster-father, St. Joseph; You wept at the death of Your friend Lazarus; and from Your Cross You beheld the grief of Your Mother, Mary. Look upon me in my grief, and touch my wounded heart. Welcome all my deceased loved ones into Your kingdom, and help me to surrender them to Your merciful love. Grant me peace in the midst of distress, courage in the midst of loss, and hope in the midst of sorrow. Fill me with the strength I need just to make it through another day. Help me to remember that You will never abandon me, and You will never forget me, and that You will see me through this time of suffering and trial.

    I offer You my tears, and I give You my wounded heart;receive them gently. Amen."

    Fr. Joseph Esper