Friday, January 22, 2010

Cars Pass By

I can still here that train in the background. I have never been dragged so close to the horror of that day until now. I hate it to it's very core. It's guts may rot in hell. The brutality and helplessness is sick enough to drive a person mad. I am so thankful that God has saved me from death and have come to the point where I have even forgotten how a person can close their eyes and willingly fade away.

Here are the things I left behind on those tracks. I left behind hopelessness, because God showed me another day and the sun did shine again. And again. I left my pride and desire to hold on to my anger at God and everyone else. I left those behind and realize that death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem as my psych. professors always say.

But lately, I feel as though I have died as well. My wife has panic attacks because she doesn't know when I will be the same and neither do I. I just know that God is in control and I will recover. This is still only a month old. It isn't fair. For everyone who knew him, you know how unfair it really is.

All of these cars pass by and none of them will ever be carrying Will. He may not have meant much to some people, but he meant the world to me, but some people may look at me as if I should just snap out of it and be strong. I can't snap out of it, but I am being strong. In Christ, I am strong. God has subdued my rage and will continue to, He will light up my face again and walk with me through this darkness. Someday soon, I will drive by a place where our ghosts reside and not lose my breath.

I beg you, as another human being, to be very careful and sensitive with other's feelings. Do not live life only for yourself. Do not project what you want a person to be, when they cannot be that person. Do not crush another under foot to get what you want. Do not say things you do not mean in an effort to hurt another person. Respect all human life. Treat everyone as Christ would treat you. Forgive. Hope. Create. Have grace. Love. Admire. Notice the little things. And please, please do not take them for granted.


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  1. your last paragraph is beautiful and something I wish the whole world would listen to.

    You can't force yourself to be anywhere but where you are right now. Someday you will breath again. Someday you won't feel like you are this darkness. But, for now - it is okay to be where you are. God will meet you there.

  2. Your last paragraph is soooo true, if only everyone could see it, and believe it and act on it.