Everyone has expectations of who you should be or who you are. They create them in part the moment you meet. It really isn't a fair thing to do; to make this image of a person in your mind and expect them to be what you have wrapped them up to be. When you prove you can never be that person, they walk away citing that you weren't the person they thought you were. This makes that person try harder to live up to what others want them to be instead of being who they really are. Human. So full of flaws you cannot even decipher the idea of where to start. It makes the person want to forget who they are for a while and be who everyone else sees, but this isn't transparency, this is a lie that the Father of Lies uses to ruin a person.
I am tired of always trying so hard to live up to what people and myself expect. I am underachieving. I should be more. I should have accomplished more, and I should be a different person than who I am.
I yell at God for this, not because He did it, but because I have no idea how to change it or what the problem really is. I really would love for a person who has done the same lonely and strange things to show me a different way to think. I have everything a person could ever want out of life and I love it with more words than English can muster, but I am missing something and have no idea what it is. Maybe I have more issues to deal with that I have put aside all my life. Maybe I am just broken and sad and grieving for the world, like the Bible said we may do. I do not know.But what I know is that I can't remember the last time I cried or showed some kind of feeling at all. I just plod through.
Rom. 8:22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.
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