We are a people full of mistakes, but if we never made them, how would we know if we ever got anything right. I fear that I never get many things right. I wish I could go back right now and apologize to every person I have hurt, and I know that number is significant. But I can't, some are gone...long gone.
When I surrendered to Jesus I was dating a stripper at the time. It was a new thing, so I had no real attachment to her except that I got the pain she wore all over her face. I wasn't even attracted to her, there was just something about a broken person that I could always identify with, and still can. I broke off any chance of a relationship with her when I was saved because I wanted no temptations in my life. I wanted to save her though. I knew Jesus did the saving but I wanted to be a part of that, His vessel. So for the next several months, I picked her up for church an hour away and took her out for coffee to talk about God, and God was working! She was excited, she was changing her mind! She even went and bought Christian cds to dance to! But then she embarrassed me. She interrupted our church service a few times and asked all of the women to pray for her to dance really well that night to make more money to get her child back from it's father. I felt for her, but I was pissed. Shame on me. I walked away. Told her I was done and walked away. She called a few months later to tell me she was moving out of state. She said it with such sadness and seemed as if she didn't want to go, she wanted hope back, she needed a friend. I told her good luck and hung up the phone. Most days I remember that. I was green in the faith and had lot's of issues to work out, obviously arrogance and pride were two of them. I get sad when I think about her. I know God controls all things and things go the way they go, but that doesn't get me off the hook for my judgment. She needed gentle correction followed by loving restoration and she got me.
Andrea, if you ever find this obscure page by accident or because God brought you here...I am so sorry. Please do not judge who God is because of what I did and I still pray for you.
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