Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Touring The World

So I was bored and looking through my Facebook and Myspace friends profiles and noticed how many of them have tropical cruise pictures in their photos. I want that! Why not meeeeee! I want to go on a fun and relaxing beautiful vacation to somewhere tropical. Even if there are sharks, I still want to go! My most adventurous pictures are from Mackinaw Island in my home state, or karaokeing on my birthday. These people have pictures from some of the worlds 8 wonders. I want to see things. I want to go there. One of these days I am going to embark on the great American journey, that will span across the US and then the world! I want to see things, like the worlds largest ball of cheese and the pancake that resembles Jesus. I should start speaking around the country. How the heck do you get your foot in that door anyway? I can hype up a bunch of people. I can write a book. Might not be good, but I can write it. I then could use my literary prowess to tour the world instead of sitting here forever in Michigan. Granted that Michigan is one of the most beautiful places, I still want more.

I had a reader from Iceland the other day. I want to see Iceland so bad. Invite me to your house if you are still reading my blog. I will speak to your church about how to get hit by a truck and survive or something, anything to get me there.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I have made a covenant with my mouth to speak only when God gives me something to say.

If the Spirit of God were to depart from you taking all of it's fruits with it, do you think you would even notice. This is a question that has been weighing on me. Right now, yes! I believe that right now if He were to depart, I would fall apart immediately. Because right now I am living desperate for Him. I think of Him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. My devotion time is the most intimate I have ever experienced and still I am expecting more. But I am not sure about the past several years. I'm not so sure I would notice a difference at least for a while, and that thought saddens me greatly because I always wanted that relationship with God that I absolutely could not go a day without and those days have come, but they had also gone. I want to be that desperate for Him every day. I want to notice if He turns His face from me and I want to be desperate for Him to look back. I want the relationship Jesus had with His Father as he hung on the cross. He noticed instantly the departure. I am thankful that God will never depart from us because of Jesus, but know that living our lives by the Spirit of God means so much more than we could imagine.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, September 28, 2009

I Lied About Being The Mechanical Type

I would suggest that most bloggers are the artsy type. I think that is why we write; because we can't express ourselves in fixing our brakes. When I talk to those who are not the artsy type, they generally think I have screws loose. I think some of them read my blog as entertainment to see what peculiar thing I will say next. We are an odd bunch, but it got me thinking: Are we made this way at birth, or were we made this way through the ways in which we were raised.

I have never met an artsy person who hadn't had some trauma in their homes growing up or had crappy dads or none at all. My mom is an artsy type too. She went from one form of expression to another, throwing all she had into them until she won an award or something, then move on. Like she had mastered it. I do the same thing. I have written, recorded, and produced cd's, I have written a full feature film script, I perform music, I have acted, I tried to draw once, but gave up. My mom used to write, perform, and produce skits and travel all over with them. She wrote, recorded, and produced a cd, she was a clown for kids at our local church all the time, she draws really well, and she has written a couple of books. But she had this monster of a father and a completely screwed up childhood. I hate to admit it sometimes, but in some ways we are the same person.

So who created the monster? Nature or lack of nurture?
You decide.

Also please answer the following questions with yes or no in the comments section to see if you are one of the "Artsy" ones.

1. Are you the last one to come in from the camp fire?
2. Have you ever listened to music from under water?
3. Do you sleep well/normally?
4. Do you have depression issues?
5. Would you ever consider living on a boat?
6. Do you catalog memories by listening to music?
7. Do you like to picture what others would think if they were watching you at any given moment?
8. Have you ever been addicted to anything?
9. Have you ever changed your own oil?
10. Are you an idea person or a doer?
11. Do you have frequent nightmares?
12. Do you like Autumn most?
13. Have you ever taken a picture of a flower?
14. Do you stare at the stars or out the window a lot?
15. Do you frequently take the least practical route to doing something?

If you answered yes to more than 5 of these questions and no to number 9...You are the "Artsy type" for sure.
Less than 5, but more than 2...Maybe
Less than worries, you are pretty normal.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Friday, September 25, 2009

A Defeated Life

I was living my life defeated. I had no idea. I really did believe the things that went through my mind. Nothing at all that I said or did was fake. None of it. I was defeated and had no idea at all.

I am going to keep shouting at myself on here about the way I used to live a month ago, because God is working in a way that cannot be me. If your have read my blog for the past 3 years, you can attest to a difference. I will keep shouting because if I don't, I sin. If I don't who will tell of God's work in my life, how will He be glorified if there is no difference.

You didn't hear me sing out loud about the joy that was building up daily inside me. You didn't hear it because it wasn't there, and I will not be fake. So you heard the lamentations of a person who has been thoroughly beaten from every angle. This defeat isn't the sort you expect to see. You would expect to see one lose faith, to backslide into a life of sin, to give up trying to hear God. I did none of these things. I prayed every day and studied my Bible. I tried to lead others to Christ. I volunteered my time and money to the poor and needy, the face of Christ. But inside I felt absolutely nothing. I was doing all of the right things out of the knowledge of what God wanted from His Word. The problem with living for the academics of God, is that it is easy to keep it just academic. If there is no experience of what you are talking about, no evidence, what you have is words. Even if the words are true, you don't have much.

I can now see the difference in application of these Words, with an unspeakable joy behind them. The Bible says give with a joyful heart. I get it. I think back to when I first met Laura. One of the observations she made was that I went no where without my Bible. I cared a great deal for the details of living a Spirit filled life. I listened hard for the voice of God in my life in the many ways in which He spoke. I had a fire and intensity about me that was noticeable. I lost so much of that. I began to rely so much on myself and my own experience, forgetting that God sees things so much differently than I see them. Because I am a fool at times.

I know I have bored some with these long and sunny blogs. Sometimes when you can identify with someone and that person changes everything, it is hard to identify anymore with that person. And truly I am not the same person. I am becoming who God wants me to be, by His power, not my own. Truly, if it were ever up to me, I would choose status quo, doom and gloom. My actions have proven that, because I allowed sadness to become my friend, not something I wished to overcome with joy. I filled up with depression and what came out of me was simply an overflow of what was in me. I am filled with something different now. I pray that if you are defeated, that God fill you up and change everything.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A Light So Bright

I used to think I was pretty smart. People would say something about my negative attitude and I would blow it off, citing that person as being naive. Negative people simply see the world as it really is. Sometime this is true, I will not claim that we live in a good culture or the goodness of people for that matter. But not everything was as it seemed. When you choose lenses that are foggy, you see distorted images, like when you squint your eyes and the light appears to be lasers shooting at you. Negative people have the tenancy to squint a lot and to point out all the things that are wrong with the world and the Church. We easily give up on people and institutions full of people just like us. We shy away from people who shine too bright because that would throw off our equilibrium and maybe our whole way of thinking. We simply cannot have that.

But when you wake up and realize your entire demeanor has been a load of crap and that everything you thought you knew was distorted and wrong, you are forced to take off the glasses altogether. It is like driving with them on at night, you miss everything. Especially everything God is doing. Maybe if we lost those glasses, we could see the beauty that God is shining in the world. That God said that "In this life there will be troubles, but take heart, I have OVERCOME the world." That should give us joy. JOY! The Bible tells us that David danced for God in his under garments and said he would become even more undignified than this! This does not portray a negative life of doom and gloom. This is joy! The kind of joy God has been preaching about.

I have written here several times about my confusion with the verse that he came to bring life and to bring it to it's fullest. I couldn't understand that because I didn't feel hardly anything. I was missing the point. Which is?

Life is beautiful. It is a gift. I have finally found what I was looking for, I have life to it's fullest and getting fuller every day!

I have been reading Francis Chan's "Forgotten God" and in it Francis says that his greatest prayer is that God would shine through him and use him in such a huge way that no one ever could see his life as being possible alone. That they would have to concede God by the work done in him.

My biggest prayer is this. I pray that God would light me up, so that I could never even fake it, and God would be glorified without the hindrance of my attitude and foolishness in my life.

Another observation Chan made was that when God places something so strong on a person's heart, the rest of the Church has the tendency to try to tone that person down. To bring them down to their level, maybe so they don't feel so bad for their lack of passion. Don't let them quiet you, do not be toned down. For the rest of the Church, get excited and stop trying to quench the Spirit of God in someone's or your own life.

I realize that over the past few weeks, I may have convinced some of you that I am bi-polar. I am not. I am not known for any ups at all. I do not get manic stages, my wife probably wishes I did, so some things would get done around here, but I don't. This is God. This is all God.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Rom. 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Maybe the pattern of this world has a way of imprinting itself on our lives. When we choose a lifestyle in which we love God, but look no different from the world and make no real impression of Christ at all in those around us, we allow this worldly pattern to become our pattern. We then find it difficult to stop conforming because these patterns and habits have become natural for us. So we pray and pray for deliverance from sin and the things we hate about ourselves, and nothing really happens. Not that we expect God to just supernaturally change us (which He can), but prayer just doesn't seem to be bearing fruit. I think this verse is key to what God is talking about in regards to freedom and transformation.

Take a look at our sin. What do we struggle with? Follow your steps back and trace the events of your struggle. What bad habits are a common factor? Are there small, even minuscule things you neglect or do or do that could possible play in to your struggle. I have found that it is the small bad habits that tear the whole thing down. Bad habits like neglecting prayer and Bible study, laziness in my quiet time, allowing materials that are not glorifying at all to God into my life, things like this change everything without us even knowing it.

Next, study the gifts of the Spirit. Ask yourself if God is shining in these areas of your life and if not, pray for God's Spirit to work in those areas. We do not have a God that desires that we be far from Him and stagnant, we have a God that is exactly contrary to that. Sometimes though, the process of freedom must imprint itself on our lives for us to stay free(though ultimately we who believe are free from sin). The transformation is the beautiful part.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, September 21, 2009


I read the Old Testament often and always wonder how the Israelites could be so dumb and worship other gods, even sometimes directly after God intervening in their lives. Moses has been leading them through the wilderness while God provides their every need including manna from Heaven. He would lead them through stars and fire and miracles only for them to get bored and make golden calves. It never made sense to me, until I was praying last night for God to remove any idols I have put in front of Him. I think I was praying this in jest, I like to joke to God from time to time, He seldom laughs though. As I was praying I took a moment to think about idols. I know I haven't built any calves lately or bowed down to anything but God, so that's all good, but then I get this suspicion that this isn't all to the story. What have I put before Him. I thought about it and listed all of the things that I regularly put before spending time with God in prayer and Bible study and service.

Entertainment- Too often, I would rather watch South Park than pray.
My children- I love them with all I have, but should NOT love them more than God.
Myself- This one I put last, but is first. Laziness and lack of drive and excitement leads me to serve myself often, which makes the lack of drive worse. I ultimately drive to serve myself.

These may not be made out of gold (Like I could afford that), or silver, or bronze, but they are from the same place. They do the same damage. They hurt and enrage God all the same.

I then wondered what toll they may have taken on my old attitude. When the Israelites left Egypt, their journey should have never taken 40 years to get to the promised land. But because of their idol worship and cry-babiness, the original Jews never even made it. Not even Moses, who served himself and disobeyed God.

I can be pretty sure that my idols have held me back, for a long time.

There is nothing wrong with entertainment, nothing wrong with loving your kids, nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, but it is a grave mistake to place anything before our One True God.

He is loving, He is kind, He is fair, He is forgiving, but He is also jealous.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Friday, September 18, 2009

3000 Pound Attitude Adjustment

My prayer right now is that if I ever wander back that God would be right there with another SUV.

When you give up on things, and allow a negative attitudes to set in, reality is hidden from you. You begin to only be able to see the world for the way you believe it is. You only see the bad. One of my favorite movie quotes is from Vanilla Sky when Jason Lee says, "The sweet is only sweet because of the bitter." Well that can be said the other way around too. I think I forgot that living in the goodness and grace of God is so sweet that it helps us to recognize the bitter when we see it. The difference lies in which reality you want to be living in (Sweet or Bitter).

I feel like I don't know where I have been for the last several years. I feel like I did as a new believer. Amazed at the power and grace of my God, and hungry to learn everything I can about Him. I feel like I have been given another chance to not allow deadly thoughts to creep in again.

I have been praying every night for a couple for years for repairs. That God would repair: (Here is a repair key for below)

My body- Physical
Spirit- Harmed from my own sin and grievance of the Spirit of God
Mind/emotional- Things broken in me from others that I cannot get out from under.

With one drunk driver, one SUV, one bicycle, one idiot on said bicycle, and one homeless guy, God sweeps healing hands over all areas.

Body- Obviously some things are given to us to glorify God and will remain even if we do hate them. But for our own good. I was drilled. Absolutely bludgeoned and here I sit unharmed. If you think it is coincidence, fine. But I simply cannot.

Spirit- A reminder that God loves me enough to keep me around and is still at work in me, reminds me that my sins are forgiven and that nothing will ever separate me from His love. God swept over me and reminded me that I do not have to hold onto my sin that causes more sin. I can let it go and walk away from it.

Mind/emotional- Forgiveness. I am making myself miserable holding on to these feelings and anger. It isn't worth it. This is not life to the fullest, this is not life at all. So I have been telling people how I feel about them and thanking them for the things they have done to speak truth into my life. God doesn't intend that we live with this pain when He is waiting to heal it.

I needed an SUV. If you search your hearts, you may find you could use one too. If so, pray for a smashing.

I am new. I am singing.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, September 14, 2009

My Impact

"What would your church (and the worldwide church)look like if everyone was as committed as you are?""How would you be missed if you left this place?" Francis Chan- Forgotten God

While I have been as quickly as possible making changes to my attitude and mind since my accident, I have also been analyzing my impact on the world around me. Both negative and positive impact. This was inspired while fuming over the liberal media telling us to reduce our impact on the earth. So I said, "Hey I want to do that, I want to reduce my impact." So I rode a bike, then was bludgeoned by an SUV.

Anyway, I have been trying to reduce my negative impact on the world, by reducing the amount of crap that spills out of me on a daily basis. I really want to try not to be a polarizing person. I want to be above reproach, so no one can have any valid bad thing to say about me. I want to decrease my negative attitude and unforgiveness. I want to glow with the power and joy of the Holy Spirit of God that dwells in me. I want it to be obvious.

I, in turn have been trying to increase my positive impact on the world. I want my church to be lost without me. My friends to not be able to make it if I were gone. Joking about that, but you get my point. I want to jump and do something when I see need. I have been examining the question at the top of the page for a couple of days. Truthfully, I think they'd be just fine without me. I hate that and am going to change it. I want them to need a miracle without me. Joking about that but you get my point. Well what would the church both local and worldwide look like if everyone was as committed as you are? I think the church would be pathetic in my case. People would attend, but over extend themselves trying to do too much and not doing anything really well. It would have dreams of doing something great and have potential put there by God, but wouldn't reach that potential, because of it's immaturity. That's how the church full of me would look like. I hate that and am going to change.

I pray that I would listen closely for God, so I don't have to get hit by cars to finally hear Him. I have a lot of work to do. A lot of forgiving to do. A lot of being forgiven to do. I am trying to tell people what is on my mind more as long as it builds them up in love. I needed to tell my mom some stuff, so I did. I need to tell others how I feel about them. Most of all, I have to refuse to waste one more minute of this short life living without joy in my heart. Without joy, our faith is not complete because the Spirit of God gives us joy.

PS. If I have offended anyone in this blog or by this blog at any time in error, or with callous speech, I am truly sorry. I can be far too harsh with my words sometimes. The tongue is the hardest to tame.

PPS. Practicing the fruits of the Spirit is the first step to joy.

PPPS. I love you


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Who Took My Docs?

Tonight, I literally sat and pondered to myself, where my Doc Martins were that I wore in 1994. Not where in my house, they are long gone, but where are they right now and what are they doing? In some landfill somewhere buried under 150 feet of garbage? On the feet of some grundgy who never left the coffee house and took a shower? I really want this era to come back. I will be trying to bring it back the best I can, but who knows. I will be wearing my flannels all winter and hopefully you will be too!


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Info Button

Blogs are a weird thing. They remind me of the short synopses you read on your cable channels when looking up info to a show.

"Zombie and the gang get arrested when trying to steal Neosporin."
"Zombie gets hit by a truck, the gang can't stop laughing."
"The gang must help Zombie win a race against time as he put everything off until the last minute again. That zany Zombie!"

One minute you are writing from one mindset, about tulips, and the next blog is about getting hit by a truck, and then the next about how weird blogging seems. I was lying in bed last night and it occurred to me how strange my blog must seem to a stranger and how scattered. A collection of strange occurrences written in no particular order without any lead in or follow-up.

I could stop this, however, this pattern is reflective of me in real life. I am just like those things. Like a skipping, scratched DVD that just jumps into a new scene leaving others confused. I show no context to others often. I think this stems from always having a different mindset, so many moods and dispositions I juggle. Kind of insane really.

Anyway, here is an injury update: Confusing pains in both legs, mainly the right. Swollen elbows that I bump against everything causing shrieks. Lower back looks like I am wearing a black shirt. Some odd pains on my breastbone. Right elbow is even louder when I bend it.

I spent the weekend up north to get some rest, however rest was not gotten. Woke up 2 of 3 nights with nightmares. I failed at relaxation.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

A Get Well Soon Wish From A Friend

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I Feel Like I Have Been Hit By A Truck

What are these feelings I am having? I should be celebrating! I should be so excited about the outlook on my future. I should be laughing right now. But I am not. I am humbled, extremely grateful, different. But I am not laughing. This post will be long. I try not to write too much at a time to spare the reader from boredom, but I am going through so much all at once and I can't quite figure it out.

For those not on my Facebook, the pictures above were from the middle of the night between Sunday and Monday. Sunday night, while cycling on a main road at 11:45 PM I was hit from behind by an apparent drunk driver. He didn't see me, so he didn't hit the brakes. I was impacted and lifted off of my bike into the air at 40-50 MPH. It was in this moment that I had my most vivid memory. I looked up and saw sky as I was in the air about to come down. My only thought was that once I hit whatever I was destined to hit, I would be gone. The tires would roll over me and that would be the last time I opened imperfect eyes. So I fell slowly. I hit the truck on the windshield and that impact spun and flipped me off of the truck to it's left side, throwing me a lane and a half from the right lane to the turn lane. I landed for the second time on my front side facing the quickly speeding away car. I hit my head on the back off the windshield and on the front off the pavement, my helmet took 100% of the blows.

I lifted my head off the ground expecting to see Jesus. I didn't feel anything. Nothing from the impact to the pavement, which seemed to have lasted several minutes of falling. I thought I was dying. I could not move the right side of my body, so I began waving the left hand and shouting for help as at least 30 cars went right by looking at me through their windows and just drove on. None of them even called 911. I drug myself to my bike which was in a heap and held my phone right in the place I got hit. I got to it and called my wife first. I thought this would be the last I would speak to her, I still wasn't at all sure how bad it was, just that no one survives something like this. Just like no one survives a train. I called. No answer. So I called 911 and heard a man shouting to me. We was a homeless guy, who had looked up when I yelled, which apparently I yelled "What!" at impact. He looked and saw me upside down in the air headed toward the pavement. He ran into Meijer and called 911 and stayed with me. I drug myself out of the road to the shoulder and laid down calling my home number and reaching a scared and frantic Laura who snatched the kids from their beds and killed stoplights at 70 all the way there. By this time I had taken a mental inventory of my attached parts, my arms, legs, neck etc. Spent the night in the trauma center getting every test they could think of. The grill marks on my back were the most concerning to them.

I am alive! Nothing was broken...nothing! I am battered and bruised everywhere, but I get to hug my wife and kids. I should be celebrating.

Instead I am haunted. I fear for no reason, I am out of danger. I am crushed inside for no reason, I was saved and witnessed yet another miracle from my loving and powerful God, but all I want to do is cry, but I won't because these feelings are making me feel guilty.

Most people know that my biggest fear is sharks. The thing that scares me is not being able to see them as they accelerate from the deep and launch into the air for their prey. I feel the same about the truck that caught me from behind me with no warning. I just keep seeing the whole thing over and over again in my head and it makes me nauseous. Last night I would dose off to be wakened suddenly by the image of being hit from behind again.

These feelings I am having are not new to me. I think that is why I feel so sad. I felt exactly the same way after God saved me from the train tracks. I spent days replaying, and crying, and sick to my stomach. It feels the same, and it brings back some of those memories in a way that is more real than just vague memory, it brings back my emotions. I don't really know what to make of it.

I have a history of being hit and run. My dad did it first, then a long line of people after. I get hit hard, things you shouldn't survive, I don't feel it for a while, but I survive only to feel the pain later after the fact. And the perpetrator is long gone by then. They always seem to get away with it, although I know no one gets away with anything. Everyone is just so worried about themselves and what they will lose if they accept the responsibility for the mistakes they made. This might be the most disturbing part of getting hit. Everyone runs. Cars pass by and stare at the pathetic broken guy in the road and keep driving. Maybe they are afraid I am going to car jack them or something. A guy hits someone on a bike, doesn't know if they will live or die or if they are dead already and drives off, in fear of losing their freedom. A guy knocks up some girl and jets out of fear of losing his immaturity.

But then there was this homeless guy.

He had nothing, so he feared nothing. He came immediately to help me. He was drunk and stinking and he extended his hand to me. He was an angel among devils. It wasn't like he did anything to save my life, but he was there and stayed there until I told him he could leave well after the paramedics had gotten there. His presence made me feel comfort.

Maybe we all need to live as though we have nothing. Maybe it is just too easy to covet our stuff. I said this to myself immediately after I realized I was ok. I say this to myself with a shout because I had just previously in the night acted harshly to my wife over a flat tire on our new car. Now I can't stop screaming at myself, what an idiot. That's why I called her first. I needed her to hear me differently before I left her with my kids to fend for herself.

I do realize the scope of what has happened. I realize all the implications. I realize more than ever that God loves me and protects me. I realize that God still performs miracles every day. I realize that God is not finished with me yet. I realize that God wanted me to stop counting on my next breath. I realize that God wanted to show me that all things are under His control. I realize that God opened my eyes to my bad attitudes and how I have no right not to sing or to celebrate with joy and thanksgiving in my heart.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.