Friday, August 21, 2009


Our hearts were never meant to be broken. We were never meant to feel such pain.

Watched Antoine Fisher last night on cable. Saw it once before. It isn't a great movie by anyone's standards, but for some, specifically those who have lost their parents or never had a good situation growing up, it becomes significant. It is an older movie, so I will not be guilty of spoiling the ending, if you were going to see it, you would have.

In the end Antoine gets this fairy tale ending in which he looks for and finds his family who abandoned him, and while doing so he finds his aunt who embraces him as family and throws a Thanksgiving feast for him regarding him as family to all of his family. Antoine Fisher wrote the film himself and seemingly all of that which was broken became repaired in a Great American Hollywood Ending.

The problem for me is. This is exactly how I wanted things to go when I finally found my father and contacted several members of my family.

Hollywood endings rarely happen. That's why they make movies out of them.

What happened with me was I got rejected again and again, by all I contacted. I was told I was lied to about my family all my life. "Sorry, hope you find the truth." "Can't help you."

The thing is, they could have helped me. Just by acknowledging the truth. I could have walked away smiling then. Because at least I had closure to the situation.

So here I am being asked to forgive people who don't want it, without being able to tell them what they did to me. This kind of forgiveness is the hardest kind. It is the kind that takes your whole life practicing, but never quite reach it.

But I can say this: At least I did all I could and have no regrets. There was nothing more I could do.


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  1. I can't imagine. I think about Kevin's brother all the time...the one we never met because of the same thing.

  2. I know he'll never be as good as You.

  3. Yeah. I had to forgive my Dad a zillion times for things I am not sure he was ever sorry for.