I have returned. Thanks to a few brief moments that change everything.
My brother Andy reminded me that life was perfect. He is right, it always has been. I may feel lonesome, I may feel nostalgic, and I may feel rejected, but life is perfect. Things happen because God allows them to happen, and He allows them not because they are out of His control, but because He loves us and desires to teach us. I would like to say I could learn an easier way, but I know I cannot. I was never the kid to take a person's word for it, I had to try it myself and learn the hard way. God teaches me mostly through the pain of my own mistakes. Some were not my mistakes, they were others mistakes, but mistakes I learned from none the less. I would not trade the pain for happiness all the time, because the pain teaches happiness, just like the law and sin teaches grace.
I was at church yesterday, and I watched one of my students whose mother spends a great deal of time worrying about her and praying for her, come home from a trip and latch on to her mom like she hadn't seen her in years. Then she grabbed her little brother and did the same. I have had conversations with her mother about how disconnected this child seemed, and now this. Now she embraces all that God has given her, forgetting about a very unfortunate early childhood. It reminded me of the reparations of God. The things God does in our lives that change everything.
It reminds me of when Jesus bent down and wrote in the sand and the pharisees dropped their stones and walked away, filled to the brim with sin. Jesus didn't condemn the adulterous woman, He died for her. Go and sin no more. Repent. Walk away from the things that fail you and fail God. Remember them no more because they are gone, and don't look for them in other people. We have every reason to be happy. We have every reason to sing and to migrate to each other. I guess I forgot about the reason I write this blog in the first place. I write to keep a record of what God is doing in me, so that I can see where I have come from and others can see God working in me.
I will try not to write so many negative things without balance, and will try to write even when I don't feel like singing, because when you have faith you force yourself. And sometimes being honest makes you better. 90 percent of therapy is just being able to spill yourself out to another person. I have made it my joy to spill myself out to anyone who will listen because Jesus hid nothing from us, not when He lived, not when He bled, and not now as we live with His Spirit.
A special thanks to Andy who sings with me across the country. Next time I see you, you are getting a piggy back ride.
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