Monday, March 16, 2009

The Rest Is The Mess We Leave As We Pass Through

An addict works everyday in a soup kitchen by himself for two meals a day to keep busy to keep himself from thinking too much and inciting temptation to use. He shows up everyday, even when ill and begins making the food. He does things in a certain regimented order that he will not and can not deviate from. He does this joyfully 2 hours before each meal. People begin arriving and sitting down, cold from the Michigan weather and broken from the waves this world likes to throw at them. They form a line and come up and get their meals which all look different because there is not enough of one thing to feed everyone, eat, then leave and he goes about his business cleaning up the mess they left as they passed through. He closes up shop at the end of the day and goes straight to the movies to escape. Before, he used drugs to escape, not the theater, because we all need an escape route. His eyes dilate with wonder as he fully opens himself up to the parallel world flashing on a silver screen, for those 2 hours he puts himself someplace else, someone else, then back to NA meetings and meals for others. If you try to talk to him, he will tell you about every movie he has seen and everyone that is coming out.
His life is so simple. No gadgets, no added complications because he is just trying to focus on one thing...getting well, getting clean and staying clean. Every move he makes is calculated, from screwing on a coffee can lid to punching in numbers on a microwave, he is focused on every task. He stays busy. The first time we volunteered here, I was a bit off put because he did not want any help, he would do the things we were supposed to do and tell us to go talk to people. I left wondering why he didn't want out help, then it occurred to me that this is helping to keep him clean and sober. He needs this as much as he needs food himself. This is a God send to him, his true escape route.
I envy him.


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