I look back at where I came from. A stupid kid that did crazy things for attention who hated most moments of his dreadful existence. To a stupid man, who does crazy things for attention but now cherishes every precious moment of his existence. I find this to be the work of God, and something completely undeserved. However, I wonder often if I have not found a way to love my life too much. I would gladly walk through fire for my wife and children. The thought of any of them unhappy rips at me as if I was being shredded. But I sin with the knowledge that Jesus walked through fire for me and I do so with limited thought. I would never accidentally lead my child to disaster. As a parent you plan ahead everything you do to avoid the horrible. As a son to God, I don't plan much ahead for anything. If I make a mistake, no big deal, fix it and try not to do it again. Really? Try not to? If I left a pair of scissors out and my son cut himself, there would be no trying not to do that again about it. It would never happen again.
It is a hard thing to do to remember that our kids and wife belong to God and not us, they are not ours, we are entrusted to raise them and love them, but more than God? I don't think so. It is easy for me to tell everyone that I do not love anything more than God, but ask me to show that I don't love anything more than God. God told Abraham to put his only son he waited 90 plus years to get, down on some firewood, stab him, then burn him for God. Abraham laid him down on those sticks, and raised his knife to him. My hope is that given the same situation, I would have done the same thing, but my instincts tell me that I would have to have heard an audible voice for this one, then some others who were standing around would have had to hear it to, just so I was not insane and even then, could I raise a knife to those that I love? I don't know. Thank God that He did not desire the life of Abraham's son, He desired the unfailing and unwavering love of Abraham and each of us. My hope is that with the help of God I learn how to have such faith.
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