I am at peace today. I had a rough day yesterday. I felt lonely all day, then kinda down. Last night I was laying in my bed praying and it felt good. It doesn't always feel good to pray. Sometimes it hurts. It isn't always comfortable to express yourself to an all knowing God. To try to explain experimentially what He already knows. Not easy always to admit what a complete underachieving idiot I have been. But other times, when I really need it, He feels there to me. I prayed and read some, then off to sleep.
I awoke a couple of hours later with this overwhelming feeling of peace. The house was quiet, my wife was sleeping next to me, the kids off in some dreamland somewhere I wish I could access. I opened my eyes and I thought, "I want you more than life." Probably because I heard it n a song earlier talking about some girl he later found out he needed like a hole in the head. But I meant it to God. Those words meant something. They carried weight for me. I have told God that a million times and meant it every time, but this time I meant it in a different way. Like when you are hungry after not eating for a few hours: You say, "I'm hungry." But the phrase has a whole new meaning if you haven't eaten for a week. It occurred to me in some spiritual way that I want God more than anything. I lay there awake for some time, not at all frustrated at not being able to sleep. If God wants to wake me up like this, and feel this way, do so every night. If He wants to speak louder than I can ignore Him, let Him talk my ear off, even if the things He is saying isn't what I want to hear because the feeling of hearing anything God has to say to me is joy to me.
I have felt my God closer than my skin all day.
May God touch you.
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