It is easy to see God as this loving father, who while we deserve all the pain and sorrow we can et dished on us, continues to pour out his love for us faithfully giving us what we don’t deserve. Like children who have made many mistakes over and over again, he continues to gently discipline us, showing us the right path and the reasons not to choose the wrong one again. It is also just as easy to see God as a god who desires forgiveness, but continues to hold us under water with the curse of sin. I try and try to do the right thing, to live perfectly or at least live well for Him yet at the end of the day when I lay my head down on that pillow, I am still guilty in my heart. I didn’t do well enough, I didn’t live as a sacrifice, I thought too much of myself, I wrote my foolishness and shame on this blog for anyone so see. I killed people with my words, even those that I love the most. I fell into the temptations the world waved in my face. I killed with words, I corrupted with my hands. I lusted with my eyes. I have stolen with my pride. I go to sleep guilty every night, then wake and do it again. I think this is the mind set that a lot of people struggle with. I know I do. Living in the freedom God has given is not as easy as it should be. A prisoner gets set free without bail, without further guilt and he walks outside of that cell and can’t leave it behind. He has no idea what to do with his freedom he has been in chains for so long. So he commits more crime to go back to jail where he is comfortable. I think I sin because it is more comfortable to me to be in chains, at least in my mind. The truth is sin is paid for by Christ’s blood...completely. Why is this such a hard concept for the church to accept. We want to argue over dogma and religions and what is sin and what is not, yet we forget the freedom God has granted us. He is not an unforgiving God who holds us down in this curse. He did away with the curse. He asks us simply to believe to accept that gift. But still we find reasons to make it harder than it has to be.
I wonder all of the time what Jesus meant when He said, His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I have never seen this life. All I have known of faith is the fight. I have never known the easy part and I think the easy part is that we really do not have sin as a problem. I haven’t known the easy part because I haven’t accepted the easy part. It is just too easy to try and chain myself down. This makes me sad at the myself and sad at the world that hates me, and sad for everyone else who struggles to accept that Jesus closed the cell doors with us on the outside and we are free.