Thursday, July 31, 2008
A very influential person in my life is undergoing surgery for a pacemaker. She is 86 years old and has had her heart stop 3 times in the last 2 days. I went to ICU to visit her 2 days ago as they told us to say our goodbyes, but she was unconscious, so I was unable to tell her what she did for me. She wasn't my real grandma, but she might as well have been. At a period in my life when no one was telling me I was worth anything, she did. Every time I would see her she would single me out and tell me that God has something really great for me, that she saw something in me she didn't see in others. She would tell me that not a day went by that she didn't pray for me. Time flew by, she got older and a little bit forgetful, yet I saw her several months ago and she remembered to tell me she still prays for me. Sadly now, she doesn't remember me at all, but I will tell you this; she was one of the handful of people who saw something in me that I didn't and most others didn't either. My teachers told me I was bad and wasn't worthy of their time. Most of my family thought I was Satan himself, even my best friend was worried I might be the anti-Christ. But this woman would look me in the eyes and tell me that I was worth something and one day, God was going to use me. I didn't believe her, but it was nice hearing some positive feedback for a change. Now a believer, I can see that what she saw in me was the potential for what God was about to do in me. Now she lays in bed dying, but it isn't at all a tragedy. She wants to go home, she wants to see Jesus. The other day, Gumby, her grandson and one of my best friends, was sitting with her. She was sat up by the nurse who left and out of no where, she turned and looked at Gumby and said, "I coming Jesus" and collapsed dead. She was tasered over and over while conscious and screaming and she was revived. But she was ready and still is. She may die on the table, and she may live another 20 years, either way, she is a warrior. She did something very special for me in seeing something deeper than what I was allowing others to see. I was a liar and she knew it. I hope I get a chance to tell her this myself, but if I don't I know Jesus will as I was one of the least of these, that she loved Jesus through. I think that is a great legacy to leave behind. I would love be able to have done for someone else what she did for me without even knowing it. She lived a life that was full of purpose and thought about her words before they crossed her lips. She walked carefully and with me, she took the time to take a closer look at me and saw Jesus in my eyes like I desire to see Jesus in others. I was sick, I was hungry, I was dying of thirst, and see saw me. Maybe we can do that for someone else.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.