Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Somewhere Other Than Here
How do you feel about your home town. I think we can usually separate into two or three groups. The people who wanted out of it, and usually these people find the first bus ride out and leave, coming back to visit on some holidays and long weekends. There are also those who will never leave, not because we cannot, but because we do not want to. We drive around the streets past all of the places we used to play and live and love every square inch of it. Then there are those who are either indifferent to their surroundings and don't care and those that can't leave for various reasons. I am the one that will not leave because I love it here. I don't feel the need to leave, just because. I drive around the places I have gone thousands of times and I see my own ghosts. Ghosts of playing in the yard with a football. Throwing it up in the air and running after it to catch it for the game winner. I see ghosts of fishing in the Detroit River in mid winter dodging float chunks of ice. I see ghosts of hanging out in coffee houses and gas stations lying about who I was and what I was doing here. I see ghosts of getting arrested and going to jail, which I should regret, but I don't. I could not imagine walking away, this feels like home to me. If you are the one who needed to get out, more power to you, starting over has always been something I admired, but that wasn't me. This is. I went to the pier last night with a friend that I also could not leave and just sat there talking about how the waves still move the same direction and the moon still hits the water just right to point an arrow to somewhere other than here. I sometimes just drive around all of the houses I have lived in, which is a lot. I moved almost every year, but always in the same area because my mom ran a day care and couldn't move too far from her clients. It is a weird feeling to go somehwere and feel exactly the same, but older.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.