Saturday, May 31, 2008
What would you do if you could stick around after you die for a while? Would you even choose to stick around? I know the token Christian response is to say to be in Heaven with Jesus is better than anything you could have here, and I believe that with every fiber of my being, I have to. But as good as Heaven sounds, eternity is a long time to spend there and I think I would want to hold on to those I love here for a few moments. Not like a haunting or anything, but I think I would want to lie in bed with my wife and hold her while she weeps. I would want to wipe my kids tears away as Laura tries to explain why God takes those we love. I think I would want to see how the pastor portraits me at my funeral and sneak around and see if those I knew really cared. I have a hard time letting go as it is of things I love, even when what I am leaving them behind for is much better. For instance, I know beyond any doubt that I am in better shape right now with all that God has blessed me with than I ever was 10 years ago, but still I get this longing inside to go back just for a while and watch me do it all over again, not changing anything. Of course I would come home and of course I would go see Jesus, but for a moment I would want to hold on as tightly as my family holds me. There is this song by The Cinematic Orchestra called "To Build A Home" it is in my playlist to your right, listen to it. I think that is what this song is talking about. I have worked so hard and loved so deeply to build this home where the bricks and mortar could fall around us and we would still stand, and I don't want to ever let that go. To me, this is the Kingdom of God Jesus was talking about. He talked more about the Kingdom here on earth than He ever did in Heaven, although He spoke of Heaven. But I think I am living in His glory and am crowned in gold and diamonds. I see them when I look into my daughters eyes when she smiles. My son thinks that at night-time I am a super hero, my God, may he never stop believing that. My wife lives every day as a sacrifice for our family and gives us all of her. I seldom see people give all of themselves to another in this culture, obviously because divorce rates are bordering 60% now. I have been thinking a lot about death lately and what I want to leave behind, and my prayer is that I leave behind a strong family, full of kids and grandkids, and great grandkids, and great great grandkids who all love Jesus because I was obedient, and taught them to be obedient. May God bless you and your families and I pray for happiness for all of you.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.