Monday, May 19, 2008
The Heroes Are Crowned In Thorns
“Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself? God said this to Job in response to all of his questioning about God's unfairness. We often look over all of the beautiful things God has done to hammer Him on the things that He has allowed as if we had nothing to do with them. I make a lot of mistakes. I really do. Some things could have destroyed me. I was a father in high school and missed out on college because of it, so I am going now. Is that my fault or God's? I was abandoned by my father before my birth. Did God do that or did my father. The holocaust killed millions of people, did God kill those people or did people? Did God send the cyclone to burma to kill almost a hundred thousand people? Did He shale the ground that killed 15,000 in China? Or were those things also the consequence of a world that is dying from sin, just like we are? Yet God send so many to help us, to love us, to help us develop and see His love and mercy. I look back and God sent me some people who allowed me to see genuine love that I would never forget about. But do I always focus on that, no. I focus on the bad things that people and I myself have done to myself. I am a victim of my own sin and yet, I point the finger at God. I may not yell at God and vocalize it, but If I take a hard and honest look at myself, I do blame God in the way I carry myself. I want to play the victim when bad things happen, but I am no victim, I am the criminal. Job was not the victim, he was the criminal just like the rest of us. Yet God, in His faithfulness is at work here everyday. I have shed tears, and that had caused God to shed tears. Sometimes I end up shedding more, sometimes He wipes them clean. I am ashamed of who I am, to my very core today. Yet I thank God that He doesn't see me as I see me, and I think He wants me to.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.