Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Smudged Up Glass

And in the end, we get cut, we bleed, then heal. Repeat.

It isn't a good day and last night felt evil. It was darker outside, a bit chillier. I was still on the road at 3:30 AM looking for a friend who had gone missing, driving home a friend who had gone ailing from the hospital. Then to bed where I lay there turning over and over, not knowing what to do with my long, lanky arms. It was one of those nights I used to have when I was a teenager. I would get myself into some drama and watch it unfold until the wee hours of the morning, then sleep. It felt familiar to me, a little nostalgic. Brought back some memories that I haven't thought about in quite a while. Memories of my friends and I at Denny's after a very long night watching the sun come up through smudged up glass outside of a dirty little booth. It reminded me of when Joe and I spent the night outside in on the dock in the park hanging over the water. We burned our initials into the wood and talked about who we were going to be or if we were going to be. At the time I had no plans to be at all. We watched the sun rise and went home with dark eyes and nothing of value to speak of except this memory. Last night reminded me that life is a cycle of getting washed, rinsed, spun, then dried. Repeat. It reminds me that the cuts I have had were much worse, deeper before today. God has brought me a long way, a long way from being miserable. Last night reminded me that I once laid my head down on some tracks with my body angled so my head would get run over first. That night was a thousand years ago, but I still remember it vividly. Last night may or may not have been good for me, but it certainly has shaped the way I feel today. I am lethargic, sad, but hopeful for the future. My wife was beautiful enough to take my kids to Nana's for the day, so I could sleep. She is so supportive. I don't always give her credit for that.


  1. You brought back a lot of memories for me with this one...trips to Denny's before dawn, staying out all night, long talks about dreams and how we were sure we wouldn't live past 30. Is it wrong to miss it sometimes?

  2. Oh yeah, and the part about, "...when I was a teenager. I would get myself into some drama and watch it unfold until the wee hours of the morning." Seems like I was more comfortable living that way. For some reason it felt right.

    I probably sound like a moron today. Sorry.

  3. Adam,

    Interesting post, and as per usual your wording puts a smile on my face "not knowing what to do with my long lanky arms..." I know exactly how that feels!
    Why does the teenage ability to stay up for hours on end so quickly disappear? Now I'm tired by the time the baby is in bed. But something still lingers in me from that time... I sometimes hate going to bed. Then again other times I love it.

    Hey was your friend found?
    Bless you brother. I hope you are indeed looking up. Glad you have a supportive wife. I have one of those too. I'm not sure what I would do without her.


  4. They found him. Or he checked in I guess the next morning. Thanks George.