Monday, April 7, 2008


Would you consider yourself normal? I never have, yet I tell a select few of the awful thoughts I get at times and find out that I am not alone. I sometimes get the unspeakable urge to drive off the freeway into the viaduct. I used to work at a factory on a press. I would push the button and get the urge to put my hand in the press and I sometimes would flash it in and out before the press came down. Crazy. Stupid. I always have these awful visions of horrible things happening to my family, they make me sick and pissed that I had them or was even capable of imagining such horror. Like driving and just falling out of the car doing a barrel roll into traffic. What!? I got the nerve to tell some of my friends about this and found out about how they do the same things. One of my friends used to get visions of smacking her infant with a scalding, hot frying pan. I just cringed typing that. Another friend used to want to break glass in his hands when he held a glass or glass cup, even wanted to bite it. Another friend stopped using razors on his face because he could not stand the urges to shave sideways. What causes these urges? They are sick. Are we normal?


  1. Um... whoa.

    The infant one was a little much. I definitely can't relate to that one. But I do think we all have those weird images/feelings. The only thing I can think of that would explain it is satan.

  2. What a great post. My husband and I are both sitting here agreeing wholeheartedly with you. I do think it's normal. If almost everyone in the world has these experiences (I think they do), then isn't that normal? Maybe a little sick, but hey - We live in a sick world.

    I love your movie list, by the way. Most of them I've seen, but a few of them I'm going to look for.

    Thanks for the comment on my blog!

  3. But how can you resist taking it farther? If I imagine pulling out into traffic before my turn and getting t-boned by a speeding dumptruck, I'm also going to go on and imagine being in surgery and no one even knows that anything has happened to me, then being in intensive care and they're all gathered around me wondering if I'm going to make it. Then comes the long fight to relearn how to walk and how meaningful it is that a few people stick with me as my life is being rebuilt even though my face doesn't even look the same and sometimes I see pictures of myself that were taken a week before the accident and I wonder why God would let this happen. Everything was so much lighter then, just days before...then the person behind me toots their horn and I realize I have had the green light for a few seconds.

  4. this is the best post I've read in awhile. I thought I was the only freak show, thanks for posting. My sister has the same urges...mostly to do with driving - but I have them constantly, standing on a stool, walking in the store, down the stairs...all the time. It otherrrr sister studies psychology, they say it's linked back to the fear of abandonment. Who knows.

  5. I keep getting a picture in my mind of me accidentally stepping on my little cat's head and squashing it like an egg. It's very disturbing. I'm extra careful to check where he is before I walk around now. I'm kind of blind, so it's a necessity.

    PS: i love your photo with the two of you. sweeet.

  6. You're not alone on this one Adam. I'm glad you resisted he urge to drive off the viaduct. The world needs people like your good self as long as possible!