Tuesday, April 22, 2008

3 Ideas That Will Revolutionize Church...Forever

3 ideas to make church easier. All spoken in jest and created for fun by my late night small group that tends to get loopy after midnights.

1. A revolving door so that the Easter and Christmas people can go out as fast as they come in, they start the circle and grab some communion, put some cash in the box all around this little round-a-bout revolving door.

2. Drive-thru church. You buy an old Taco Bell or something. The parishioner drives up to the speaker and does confession into the speaker. They maybe say, "I punched and old woman," or something while those waiting behind are listening. They then drive around and go to the first window in which they pay some tithes and collect some tracs for their sinner friends. Then to the second window where they are told their penitence they are passed the communion elements through the window, then they are off on their merry way.

3. Drive-thru funeral. This one is a little sketchy but bear with me. You need an old White Castle for this one, both for it's grand looks and for it's steel mechanical drawer that collects your money and delivers your food. You drive up and tell the speaker who you are here to pay your respects to. You then drive around to the window in which your dead friend or relative is propped up in front of the window for you to see and get closer with. You pay some respects, then put your flowers into the mechanical basket to send to the deceased.

All three things are used because no one wants to have to deal with church people. Half the time I don't either.

1 comment:

  1. You are going to think I am making this up, but you will not believe how many times I thought about the exact "drive-thru" idea. I don't know how many times I use to have people come up to me after church (when I was a pastor) and look at me and then look at their watch (meaning that I did not stop preaching at 12:00 on the dot). Whenever it would happen, I would think that they just needed a "drive-thru" service. All they were looking for was something I called "Fast-Food Faith". Give it to me "how I like it" and "when I like it". Have a good one Bro! Nice post :)