Friday, March 21, 2008
The Weird Thing Is
It is 2:45 AM and here I sit again staring at the blue light of the computer. I have been getting in this habit late at night to turn off all of the lights in the house, open the window so the cold air blows in, turn on the heater, grab my Bible and my book light, put my iPod on and sit there for long periods of time with the heater blowing on my feet. Weird, I know, but don't judge me. My wife hates it, she says I am wasting the heat and running up our heating bill. She probably right, but I like it. I like to look outside and see a peaceful city out there, one where the noise rules, the haters hate, and the Christians join them. It is nice to see the world at rest. I was thinking yesterday about when I sleep, does God watch me and think I am precious even though I have been an idiot all day long making noise and over all making a fool out of Him. I like to think that He does because It feels better to believe that, and also I believe it because He tells us that. The only thing about it at night is that there are a million cats out there walking around, being rude, invading peoples property, like the homeless right? The weird thing is that as quiet as it is outside my window, it is so loud, the cries of those in-poverty, or war-torn, or fatherless, or old men kneeling at there beds, saying their prayers and looking at pictures on the side of their beds of there late wives, missing them to death and wishing tonight might be their night. The guy that hates his job so much, he is exhausted, but dreads sleep because he knows he has to wake up early in the morning and do it all over again. The woman who is laying awake staring at the ceiling in some guys bed, not at all in love, wondering how she got to where she is right now. The child sleeping tightly in its mothers arms at the shelter like a precious possession that can not be stolen, next to 50 more beds just like it in some moldy church basement, or worse, a box, or a viaduct, or an alley. It seems so peaceful, but it isn't so peaceful for some, but for all God looks down and watches us sleep in silence.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.