Tuesday, February 26, 2008

When The Birds Stop Singing

It is interesting to see what happens when you cage a bird. When I was young, I saw a wounded bird, it had a hurt leg. I took it home and fed it for days with a medicine dropper and baby food. It ate, it grew a little, got back some of it's strength, but never got back it's desire to fly. I left for the weekend and asked my mom to take care of the bird with this ridiculous eating regiment and physical therapy (For the birds leg). I came back to find a new bird in a new cage and Sammy (The wild bird) in a shoebox eternally sleeping. The bird was only injured in the leg and I did exactly what the books told me to do to help the wounded bird recover, but it never did. I was fighting death with this bird and I lost. Sammy stopped singing long before I left for that weekend and he would have died whether I was there or not. Taking away what made him a bird was worse than that aching leg. With the leg, Sammy couldn't walk, with the cage, Sammy couldn't fly. I loved that stupid bird, but it taught me a lesson in life. When you stop something from being what it is, it will die. Maybe not physically all the time, but it will die none the less. I feel like this sometimes, like something has been taken from me and I have never recovered. Like everyone is trying to help me, my wife, my friends, my church, especially God, but I can't take it because I don't feel like singing all the time. I am not comfortable in my own skin, I don't feel at home all the time, and I need to recover from something that I cannot even put my finger on. But you should know that I am OK. God is working in me all the time. God is repairing me, teaching me how to sing when it isn't sunny. You may have noticed these blogs taking a depressing tone over the last week or so, and I am sorry about that. I write in blogs because It feels better to not hold things in. When I hold things in, I feel alone. I don't like to express myself to people while speaking because no one signed up to hear my story and if you are reading my blog, your signing up and I don't feel bad like I am boring you or annoying you. I am sure in a week or two, things get much sunnier, but for now. Blah


  1. very well written. what is it about being alone you don't like. you always say that. but never quite why. just food for thought...

    ps jay & I watch scott baio too, and scott baio sucks and we dont know why watch it. I already have grey hair but I think it's from a hard life not age. so no worries!

  2. Solitude isn't good for anyone. That is why they use it as punishment in prisons, it messes with your mind, makes you feel unwanted. Like you have lost something or someone that means a lot to you.