Thursday, January 31, 2008
I struggle with pride. That being said, the process of being humbled pretty much sucks. The Bible says that pride comes before a fall, I learned this is true in my adolescence when I was a poser skater. I wore my Vision Streetwear hat with the brim flipped up, I had the skater fanny pack, not to be confused with the old lady amusement park fanny pack, I had the Vans shoes and the Santa Cruz skateboard a friend of mine stole for me. I used to build small ramps to do tricks off of but never actually pulled off a trick, unless you count the time I launched off of it and tried to grab the board, but it flipped and I came down on the nose of it with the butt end on the ground hammering the thing into my groin, trick. I thought I was so cool until there were girls watching. I remember this one time I was skating around doing some small time tricks and noticed I had an audience of 2 girls watching me. It was an awesome thought, I felt famous like John Lennon until I fell face first into the ground during a routine push off of the board. They laughed and got up and walked away and I sat there watching them leave with blood on my face. I still am sitting there with that blood on my face. I have put my foot in my mouth and pissed people off and argued with people for hours all while knowing I was wrong, but could not bring myself to admit it. Why do I do that kind of stuff, I ask myself reluctantly? Because it sucks to be wrong. It always sucks to be wrong. But the truth is that everyone is wrong sometimes although I do have friends who I seem to never be wrong, they are just that smart. But my prayer lately has been to be made humble which is not a process I recommend for a lot of people because the process isn't comfortable. It takes a lot of work in your day-to-day. You have to learn to keep your mouth shut even when you are right, and say only what will build up others because what good does it do people for your pride to be boosted at their expense? So this is my quest, and I am being proactive about it. God changes people, and gives the strength, conviction, and encouragement to succeed, and He also expects us to work at it. It is all so dumb though. I have learned my whole life that the moment I think I have done well for myself I am cut down. Why has it taken me so long to realize that I was falling because I was taking credit for what God has done. Pretty eye opening experience to me, so that is all. The End
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.