Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Christmas Card

(the time you pulled a knife on the neighbor, poked holes in aunt Hazel's chair)

(tried to off yourself and lived to tell about it)

Nothin says loving like a Christmas card from mom.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


I had my small group last night at my house and we were talking about prayer. We were searching through some passages where Jesus modeled prayer, He did it a little different than Jabez did, but good. Passage after passage shows Jesus going away from the noise and having real, intimate time with His Father. We saw Jesus travel up mountain sides, He fasted and prayed for 40 days, we saw Him pray all through the night without ceasing. We saw Him pray in happiness, in sadness, in pain, and in grief. No matter what Jesus was doing, He was spending that time with His Father. I wish I knew how to make that work for me. I wish I wasn't so selfish with my time. Jesus prays all through the night and I struggle with 20 minutes. I do not like that about me, it is a character flaw to be selfish and self serving. I try my best to pray every day as if it were a chore, but when things are going badly, I yearn for God, I pray out of necessity, not habit. I think in American churches, we need to NEED God. We are too comfortable here that we get lazy and forget that it is God that gives our every breath and it is God that takes it away. When we are in need, we pray, so I think we need to step out and put ourselves in need.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Oh Thank You Christmas Miracle Beard

Just when all seemed lost with the Miracle Beard, Jesus went and revived my faith in it again. I see the Beard as like the same as fasting. When you need something or are in dire need for God, you starve, maybe here you grow. Anyways, read this miracle that you can attribute to God first, then to the Beard.

A Christmas miracle: woman found alive after three days buried in a snowdrift
• Rescue dog picks up scent and gloveless hand in field
• Blanket of insulating snow kept her alive in -15C cold

Ridiculously awesome!


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.


Busy, busy, busy says the little hack magician in Frosty The Snowman, just before the snowman started to melt. Well, I fear I have done it again. I fear I have caused all of the rain due to my Miracle Beard Campaign. 2 days ago, it was cold with snow dumping everywhere and elves on pogo sticks, then yesterday it begins to rain and doesn't stop until all is pure ice everywhere. Old ladys falling and breaking the hips, little children throwing ice balls at each other drawing a creek full of blood. Helpless people with arms full of freshly wrapped presents slipping and dashing those presents all over the ice ruining the wrap job ;-) Maybe Christmas Day will bring a steady flow of miracles as we have gathered more support than any other year. Christmas is not over, we must have faith I know, but my doubts cannot be pushed aside.

Anyway, busiest C. Eve I have ever had, but good. Everyone have a great Christmas!!!


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Friday, December 19, 2008


Crap we got a lot of snow last night. It is nice though, but someone should tell Al Gore that the earth is not as warm as he thinks it is. I think the latest global warming forecast showed there would be a huge decrease in snow and an increase in rain this year. He should have to come and shovel for us, that would be an inconvenient truth right there. Then he could deal with shoveling out your driveway, then 5 minutes later the plow pushes the streets snow right back in.

In other news: Isn't this the scariest toy ever? Found this in the cushions of the couch.

Christmas is almost here, I am excited. Got my hopes up for a Christmas Miracle.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Sing Broken

Today, it is white everywhere. It is these days that I am glad I do not live in a warm climate. It is beautiful in Michigan right now.

A couple of things from my prayer life. I keep a journal and a checklist of things to pray for and today I rearranged it. I read in this book that the author prays sincerely for the most intimate conversation with God before he prays, so I thought I would do that to, because maybe that is why God seems so far from me sometimes. I started today and few things were revealed to me. I believe. Do not print this and staple it to your Bibles as being a word of prophesy like my pastor tells those who say "God told me" to do. So here goes:

1. I pray for the healing for my family everyday. I pray that emotionally, we would be healed of the things that hinder us from God, both inflicted by ourselves and inflicted by others. I then pray for the healing of our Spirits, especially from the sin we have poisoned ourselves with and it's effects. Then I pray for the various ailments we suffer from: My nervous issues and depression, Laura's immune system problems, Caeden's anxiety and his eyes etc. We have never experienced much healing on any of these things. I can date my prayers for this stuff back for years and see no visible change for the better. So lately when I pray, I doubt immediately and have no real expectation of healing. That was exposed today. Maybe God wants us broken like He wanted Paul broken. Maybe through weakness, God is glorified through us. Maybe pain is supposed to hurt and that's why God allowed some of the things He did in the first place. Maybe, I need to learn how to forgive my father before I can relinquish the pain. I need to stop focusing on the things that are broken because it is through the broken that God has changed the whole world. There is the Glory of God in the broken. Maybe I should stop praying to not be broken and embrace every feeling that comes in pain, because it makes joy real. I have noticed that I cling to God much closer when I am battling with depression than when things are going well. Sometimes too much joy can bring contentment in me. Contentment is bad when we are speaking of our relationships with God.

2. I have missed the billboard on my front lawn waiting for a bigger "Word" from God. Everyday I pray for God to speak to me, open my ears to hear Him, and have the wisdom to obey. I feel sometimes when God speaks to me it is like how Paul felt when He was blind, then given his sight back, or when Peter realized that this new faith was not reserved only to God's chosen Jews, but for all. Then other times, nothing at all. The issue is that I do not experience this "Life to the fullest" Jesus spoke about, and I think it is because I love my life. I didn't used to as you know well, but somewhere along the line I began to love the things God has given me too much. I have been hearing God speak to me. I believe. For months about living differently, and in my prayers I ask God what that looks like for me. And I have waited ever too patiently for a response. Today I think I got it. Just do it. Stop waiting for something and do it, out of faith. Force yourself to trust in God again and do not doubt. Money cannot buy me faith, a family can not buy me happiness, and a friend cannot fill me. God does those things. Only God does those things.

Sing Broken.
Sing together.

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Lawn Jockeys and Mall Santas

For The Rockstar, here is my photo after he so generously tagged me. Notice my enthusiasm. I like my photographs taken. Just as long as I have had proper time to manufacture what I want it to look like. I usually send Laura pictures of me mixed in with some kids photos to her work. She will get her co-workers to gather around to see the pics, then bam, there is Zombie wearing just a guitar. Or shizam, Zombie just appeared in 80's running shorts and a Jack Tripper tank top with a mustache. So I don't totally dig the candid thing, but this is for Rockstar, so I did it.

So this weekend was interesting. We did a lot of Christmas stuff for the kids and came across some pretty funny memories. I will tell the story with pictures. We took the kids to see Santa at this cool little place about an hour from our house with Laura's brother and his family. The place was really cool, lights everywhere, things you remember from your childhood Christmas'. The kids saw Santa and got their pictures taken. We had a really nice night. But as we left, something caught my eye. This place we went to was a Christian place a little bit out of town in a series of large barns. Well, when we left, my son pointed out this little gem.

What year is it? Are we living in the 50's, the 30's? How could you not know that a black lawn jockey is racist? So Caeden took the picture next to his lovely little discovery so you would believe me that this really was there. The place overall was very nice, we will go back in the fall for the cider mill, but maybe leave a little comment in the comment box about the lawn jockey.

So the next day, Laura takes the kids to this thing for her work at the mall. It was for kids with Santa was there to read stories and meet the kids. Laura went alone and I guess it was a bad day for her to go alone because both kids were monsters. Observe the photo below.

I have never seen a Santa so pissed as to flee from a child before. Look at the very cute, but sinister look she has on her face as he flees at full speed. I swear to you that little girl is going to be my demise.

We went to some friends house for a Christmas movie marathon, then we went out that night with some friends that are home from school and had some fun, then spent Sunday after church sitting around all day. It was a good weekend, but still, we have bought only one small thing on our Christmas shopping list.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Friday, December 12, 2008


Semester's over finally. Worst one I have ever had. I thank God it is over. I also thank my wife. Laura has put up with so much crap from me this semester, with my moodiness and my stress. She is awesome, and has shown me I need to learn to handle stress better. I didn't used to feel this way. The other day, I posted a mini blog that said, "I used to be invincible", I used to feel that way. I was a basketball player, a good one. I was known for having the biggest mouth on the court. Half of my game was getting into your head, because most people do not handle pressure very well, they crack and I win.

In my senior year, my coach brought in an ex college player, a good one named Quazy to help coach. Quazy watched me practice and play and saw a weakness in my game, turns out, it is a weakness in my life. He saw how I could get into your head and punch your brain and make you intimidated of me and make you doubt your own abilities. He was better than me and knew it, and so did I. I couldn't get into his head. Instead, one practice he guarded me all night fouling me and running his mouth. He outplayed me and pissed me off to the point of punching walls. I could not hit a shot, I could not guard him even though I was faster and in better shape and could shoot with my eyes closed. He exposed my weakness in front of the whole team and for the first time, at least in basketball, I was in a real fight, and losing it. I was crushed under the weight of the pressure. He grabbed me after practice and explained why he had been beating me down so bad and showed me how to not feel the pressure. The next week, we played the best team in the league who had the best player. Last time we played them, he scored 45 on us. I was intimidated of him, but showed up to the game a different person. I scored 30 on him and held him to 20. I ran my mouth the whole game without doubt in my abilities and beat him. The team lost 115 to 95 though because a lot of people on my team sucked. I say all this not just to relive old glory, but to expose the same weakness in other areas of my life.

I feel pressure to perform at my job, I feel pressure to perform in my family, and I feel pressure to perform at school, and I do not handle it well. I forget that God put all of these things in my life and gave me the tools to succeed. I am able to be a good father and husband because God gave me the ability to, despite never having a father or male influence in my life. God gave me the gifts to lead in my church, even though I have never felt qualified, so with Him I can and will do it. God gave me a brain, so I can achieve at school. The issue is that all of these things are happening at the same time, the perfect storm. So the waves come and the pressure, I have to learn how to stand. I am learning, but learning how to stand in peril always hurts, because it has to.

But I have to.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I pledge allegiance to Christ. I am also an American. But a Christian first. I have never really pledged my allegiance to America, that might sound like I am a communist or un-American or something, but I haven't. When you are young, they make you say the pledge, at least I had to, but never really meant what it is supposed to mean. Before I go on, let me say, I love this country and appreciate my freedom to be writing this or anything else. I was born here, I was raised here and have enjoyed these freedoms my entire life. I would die for my country if the cause were worth the death. However, I am a Christian first. Jesus said in his teaching to give to Caesar, what is Caesars. The point was that we owe God everything and the rest gets what they require. Right now, I am not very proud of the actions of my country. The fact that so many special interest groups are keeping us from getting anywhere. The money holds all of the power. The babes die at alarming rates. Corruption ruins our economy and regular guys suffer the blow and get tossed out of work, just so the government to turn around and bail out the guys that did it in the first place. You sell bad mortgages, the housing market collapses, then we bail you out. That's the story here, that's why other countries are laughing, because America has lost it's luster. This very idea is offensive to a lot of people, including those that I love, so I am trying to tread carefully with what I say, trying not to offend anyone, but I am sick of not having a voice.

The decisions I make will be based on my faith, not based on the fact that I was fortunate enough to be born here. And I WAS fortunate to be born here. I think too many Christians like to make Jesus a Republican, or a Democrat, when He was neither. I am not too sure He would have even voted. He was not concerned with politics or politicians, He was concerned with reaching His hand out to those who were desperate and destitute. He realized that His Father puts governments together, as He did ours. Sometimes He puts people in power to be His hands in the country and sometimes, He has put rulers in to show the people that they need God instead of man. But the point was for all rulers to point the people to God. I think that is the job of Christians too, to point others to God, not ourselves with pomp and arrogance.

I think that over time, the patriotic attitude has led people to not care about those living elsewhere. We drop a bomb and kill thousands and it makes the news here, then people argue over it like it was a football game. What if that happens here? Well, look at 9-11-2001. 9-11 happens all over the world, yet we care for ourselves. A tsunami kills so many and it is in the news for a few weeks, then forgotten about as if those lives meant nothing. Just as easily as I can argue that we bomb too quick and shed so much blood, it can also be argued that Saddam Hussein was called the "Butcher of Baghdad" for a reason. Those lives He took for no reason meant something to God and should have meant something to us. He was a monster and needed to be removed. But a monster also loved by God. And should be loved by us, not so much approved of, but loved.

Love is the very thing that sets us apart from the world. God says you can do all kinds of things, but without love, it will be pointless. We preach without love sometimes and that does not further the Kingdom. We deal with everyday people without love, and they never see God in us. We need to show love in our daily affairs and have integrity in all situations. This points others to God. Especially in a culture that rejects Him and puts Him behind things like money, patriotism, and special interests.

Be in the world, but not of the world. Live as Aliens and strangers here. Be a city on a hill that cannot be hidden. In everything you do, do it for the Glory of God.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Sunday, December 7, 2008


Thinking about the post of my lovely wife, I feel I should explain. I am not very good at speaking to rich people. Never have been. I don't know what to talk about and I have spent so little time around them. I used to work at a country club parking cars and they used to shout and snap their fingers at me to hurry. So I keyed one of their Mercedes' and stole some weed he had hidden in the glove box. I was not asked back to work there again. I went to a friends grad party in which people parked on the lawn at their huge compound. I drove over the wrong grass and went fast, possibly went off road and did a doughnut and wound up getting chased down by the cops and his father and received a citation, a well deserved one.

Well Friday night I was determined to try harder because I have been guilty of not saying much and making me look like a jerk, so I tried to relate. I made the observation about the UM engineering dept. and the Bermuda triangle after the doc. had mentioned attending that school and dept. It was not a good segway due to the fact that the Bermuda Triangle was involved. Well, Laura had no idea that I really did see it on Myth Busters. I left that out because I didn't want to sound too peasanty, like "I saw that on Myth Busters right after Dukes of Hazard and right before Cops and Cheaters" "It was a good one". Laura said that, not so under her breath comment with no knowledge that it was true, and it being in fact true, I could not deny it. The night went pretty par for what happened here, me bumbling around eating my foot at every turn. I vowed to for now on just try not to embarrass her.

I spoke with a friend about it and his advice was to just ask questions. Avoid talking about myself and let them talk about themselves, because they like to do that anyways. I will try this technique next time, hit me up with more suggestions on how to speak with those that are rich.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.


I was once invincible.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

If we do not practice these things, our religion is flawed.

A lot of Christians do not like the word "Religion". It brings visions of pharisees and church pews and hymnals. Of halls filled with the smell of bake sale and quilt. Little old ladies who hold a Kleenex for hours. Preachers who shout and sweat from the armpits (I sweat from there I must admit). It brings thoughts of rules and ceremonies and stain glass. Of baptismals behind the stage with paintings of Jesus standing among sheep. I grew up in these churches. Hated them. Now miss them sometimes.

My mom used to drive a broken down Ghetto Van to River Rouge (Little Detroit) just picking up shoeless kids and taking them to church and to children's activities at church, which is funny because imagine if a person in a big van with no back seats at all pulled up in front of your house and let your child in to the back of a van where they would sit on the floor and go God knows where. It was a different time then. She did this 3 times a week. She also bought a clown suit and practiced some tricks for the kids, just because she loved Jesus. I used to hate these memories. Not now. What a servant she is. Today, she puts on church services for the elderly confined to nursing homes. This is true religion. This is the face and hands of Jesus.

It isn't about getting bigger buildings, or drawing more people to fill enough seats to justify building a bigger building. It isn't about church dogma or denominations. It is about getting your hands dirty for the sake of Loving our God. The God that makes the stars also hears our hearts break and uses others to show us just how much He loves us.

I needed to be excited today. I didn't sleep last night which is usually a precursor to a bad day. I got up, took Caeden to school and went to school. On the way I was listening to this song called "Hold My Heart' by Tenth Avenue North and the Chorus says:
Could the maker of the stars, hear the sound of my breaking heart
One life is all I am, right now I can barely stand,
If your everything you say you are, will you come close and hold my heart

I heard it before, in fact a hundred times, but this time it drew blood. My eyes filled with tears and I cried all the way to school. For some, you may think this is lame. That's OK, I never minded being lame. I hope you get lame someday too. But I needed it because it was a reminder that there are times that God seems to be on the other side of the galaxy. But the same God that made all things is so in tune with how we feel and hurt and rejoice, and He is here to hold us up. Like a doctor who puts his hands inside the chest of a heart patient and pumps his heart for him, God repairs us.

Sometimes I need some tears to remind me what my religion and job as a pastor is all about. It is about my hands, not my mouth.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A Baby's Kiss

Kids are weird.

I often crouch down and kiss my daughter on her lips, just to experience the surprise of having touched my lips to a wet and cold nose that is covered and caked with snot. A string of it forms as I pull away stretching a full foot between us.

But I love it.

But only if she does it. If I kiss my wife and that happens, I WILL be pissed.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The American Dream

"What am I doing in my life right now that requires faith?" Francis Chan

Really tough question isn't it.

What comforts can I eliminate to be forced to practice faith? How do you jump, when He says so, and how do you hear Him telling you for sure?

Faith is a risk in every aspect. No fear of consequence requires no faith, so what are we living for? We need risks. We need to stop tirelessly pursuing the American Dream, and pursue the vision of Christ. To condemn the world to gain eternity.

But what does it look like. I want to hear from you.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Saturday, November 29, 2008


One of my good friends is in from out of town today, and I am supposed to hook up with him and some of my other friends later. Laura has a friend from out of town here too, so tonight we part ways. Thanksgiving was really good. We did Meals on Wheels in the morn. then went to my moms house for dunch. I say dunch because Thanksgiving is the only day of the year, where your feast may be at noon and you can call it dinner, really it's dunch.

On that same vein, I could not pry my wedding ring off yesterday because of all of the salt from the ham, and maybe the fat too. My mother has an interesting way of cooking. The grease from everything is poured back into everything and added to a pound of butter and bacon. You really could die just from looking at it.

After dunch, we parted ways and Laura went to her aunt's, and I went home to put up the outside lights. Laura's aunt has cats, that means I cannot be there. I hate putting the lights up, but it is necessary, I want the kids to remember we did that every year.

All the Christmas stuff, puts a lump in my throat.

Does anyone else have a problem typing the word "From"? I always type "Form"


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

1 Year Blogiversary

It has been one year since I started this blog. One of the reasons I decided to blog was to easily go back and see where I have come from and how I've grown over the year. I believe that if a year does not bring about any positive change in me, than something is off with my relationship with God. A lot of weird things have happened this year and I think I have grown so much in my relationship with God and with those that love me. Last year, I was distant from so many, I was so negative that I had a hard time seeing the positive in anything. This year, I am still negative, but a little better. I no longer look at people like they are trying to hurt me, which was something I really was dealing with. I am blessed more than ever. It has been a year of hard work for me, with tasks I have never had to stand up to until now. God has picked me up every time I have fallen. He has helped me out of the wilderness, starving and broken. I am not ashamed to live my life for Him, and to tell everyone that He is my comfort, He is my only strength, He is the reason I breathe. I have made new friends on here, which is really nice, because I can relate to so much that other people are going through and brave enough to write about. God bless you, the reader, and your families and have a nice year.

In honor of my 1 year blogging anniversary, here is my first post.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Burial Cake

Anyone ever heard of burial cake? I performed a burial service for a close friend Saturday and after the service at the reception, they had cake. I have heard of wedding cake, birthday cake, graduation cake, and retirement cake, but burial cake is a new one for me. I guess it is because the women who was buried was deeply in love with Jesus and everyone knew she really was happier now, so it was a celebration. For whatever reason, I like the idea of burial cake. So here is a short list of suggestions on how to expand this cake tradition.

Divorce Cake- Chocolate cake, with chocolate frosting filled with radishes in the filling.

Grizzly Bear Cake- For those who have become grizzly bears through their hard work. This one is made of meat and frosting. With a touch of an angels feather.

Constipation Cake- Filled with castor oil and topped with the Olestra stuff they put in the light potato chips.

Menopause Cake- Made purely from hormone supplements, hairnets, and Omega 3 fish oil (For the joints)

Last Place Cake- This one is sweeter than the rest (For added consolation) and filled with the blood of every person that did better.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Friday, November 21, 2008


Who am I?

Am I a Christian?
Am I an athlete?
Am I a father?
A Husband?
A friend?
An employee?
A son?
A brother?
A philanthropist?

I think the legacy we leave behind is the purpose of our existence. It is the way, we glorify God while we are here. There is a quote from a Dirt song that says "The rest is the mess you leave as you pass through." True. I think we all would love to make up our legacy filled with noble causes and devotion to that which is important to us, such as Christ for me. But am not as sure that our eulogies would say the same. Not sure I would love mine.

The issue I have with priorities is that our actual lives seldom match the priorities we have decided to be. A Christian, A family man, a friend. If I take some time and write down all I do, I do not think it often matches those priorities. Especially when I give God the not so lucid minutes of the day as I fall alseep in prayer. Am I putting God first in all things? No. Am I putting the family second? No. Friends third? Sometimes, but to often, no. It takes practice to live your priorities, to be sure that what you have done here is more than just the mess you leave. More than your negative impact on the world. I want people so say about me what I am about to say about a grandmother tomorrow at her burial. That I loved God more than anything in this world. That Heaven would not be Heaven without Jesus, and life is not worth it without him.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Lesson In Tolerance

I have the crappiest luck ever.

Yesterday, my toothache became unbearable due to infection, so I was forced to go to the ER. I looked particularly stupid too because I found that the only even slight relief I got was when I was putting cold on it, but not too cold. So I was walking around with a straw in my mouth sucking in the cold air directly onto the tooth. I did not have the fortune of having a regular straw handy, so I had to use this Halloween one that whistled, so I went to the ER with a whistling straw. Obnoxious. I get there at 1 AM after being turned away by another ER due to long waits. This one had no one in the waiting room at all, so I was happy about that, except, I ended up waiting 2 hours in agony after passing out twice before ever even being triaged. I inquired, but got no answers. I was finally let in to the room and was treated by the doctor whom cleaned out the area by giving me 20 or so shots directly into the hurt gum and then sent home with Penicillin and Vicodin. All in all, the process took 3 and a half hours.

So then the drug store at 4:30 AM. 2 cars in the lot. 2 workers present. 1 crusty old man and 1 old woman. Once again, no wait, so yay. I turned in the script and the old man says, "Ok, be done in a half an hour." "What! A half an hour, why?" I inquire. "Got 16 people before you." I look around the ghost drugstore and see a tumbleweed blowing by. "Ok."

What is it about my luck? It was almost like someone wanted me to be in the most pain I have ever felt for the longest period of time I could handle. I could not for the life of me figure out whether God was trying to teach me patience, or pain tolerance. Anyways, the tooth is killing me, I got an emergency Root Canal today that the dentist assured would kill the pain, but here I am throbbing, and hungry, but cannot eat.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Gift Of Opening Up One's Stupid Mouth

I have a wonderful habit of making a fool out of myself in most situations. I don't know if it is a talent, a curse, or a Spiritual Gift from God, but it exists. Ask my wife. I am the guy that she cannot take anywhere. I have already told you about the "I like him so much, I want to fight him incident." There are so many stories of me saying the oddest thing that could be said in that particular moment. The other day, I was eating with my wife in a restaurant and we were talking about going on a diet. Laura said, "Does 20 pounds each sound good?" I said, "For you, not for me." I did not mean it how it sounds. I meant that if 20 pounds was what she wanted, I did not want the same. 20 pounds is too much for me because I do not want to reverse the last 2 years of work at the gym. I am not trying to be an idiot I assure you. My brain is an idiot. "I didn't say it, my brain said it" is what Caeden says when he says something similar. Like when he describes African Americans as chocolate people. I do that stuff too, so I am afraid this little "Gift" is hereditary.

On a side note, my tooth hurts. I had to miss church. Sorry Jesus.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I Want You More Than Life

I am at peace today. I had a rough day yesterday. I felt lonely all day, then kinda down. Last night I was laying in my bed praying and it felt good. It doesn't always feel good to pray. Sometimes it hurts. It isn't always comfortable to express yourself to an all knowing God. To try to explain experimentially what He already knows. Not easy always to admit what a complete underachieving idiot I have been. But other times, when I really need it, He feels there to me. I prayed and read some, then off to sleep.

I awoke a couple of hours later with this overwhelming feeling of peace. The house was quiet, my wife was sleeping next to me, the kids off in some dreamland somewhere I wish I could access. I opened my eyes and I thought, "I want you more than life." Probably because I heard it n a song earlier talking about some girl he later found out he needed like a hole in the head. But I meant it to God. Those words meant something. They carried weight for me. I have told God that a million times and meant it every time, but this time I meant it in a different way. Like when you are hungry after not eating for a few hours: You say, "I'm hungry." But the phrase has a whole new meaning if you haven't eaten for a week. It occurred to me in some spiritual way that I want God more than anything. I lay there awake for some time, not at all frustrated at not being able to sleep. If God wants to wake me up like this, and feel this way, do so every night. If He wants to speak louder than I can ignore Him, let Him talk my ear off, even if the things He is saying isn't what I want to hear because the feeling of hearing anything God has to say to me is joy to me.

I have felt my God closer than my skin all day.

May God touch you.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


I was watching Heroes last night and one of the characters said something that I had learned in Biology, and based the name of this blog on. It is this really interesting fact about whales. Scientists were having such a hard time figuring out how these whales keep finding each other for mass migration in such a huge ocean. It was discovered when a biologist recorded the whales singing to each other in the wild and it occurred to them that the whales were not singing in captivity. I think this is interesting because it is universal. If you are doing bad in your walk with God, by bad, I mean, you are not making much effort in seeking Him. When we are struggling and living in rebellion, we fail to sing. It is because, we were not made to sin and rebel. It was sin and death that made that a constant struggle for us. When the Israelites felt distant from God, they made idols. We don't do much different, and it makes us feel far from God. In fact, when we live in rebellion, God isn't listening to us.

Is. 1:15 When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood;

Prov. 28:9 If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable.

When we make the choice to rebel from God, we get to learn what it is like to do things our way. That is the human condition, thus why we really need Jesus, with every cell in your bodies.

So when we rebel, we become unhappy. We fail to sing, because we are apart from what we were intended to be. It is when we come to God in dust and ashes and willing to submit, that He turns his face to us again. I struggle because I am so stubborn and proud sometimes. I want what I want and too often those things are not what God wants. So I throw myself a pity party and try to get back at God for not giving me what I wanted. The catch is, I am hurting myself when I do this.

I go through these bouts with depression that tempt me to get lazy and comfort myself with things that are not good for my Spirit, and leave out the things that are. Compound this depression now with the loss of clear communication with the fabric of my very being, and I cannot sing. I look at stories of how these terrible things happen to those that are faithful, yet they get on their faces and praise God. I need to practice this often because it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that God owes you something for choosing to follow Him. But the Bible says, He chose us. He died. He sacrificed. He had his flesh torn from His body. He was rejected. He rose again. He gave us His Spirit. God owes me nothing. If everything I love were taken from me. I deserve it. It is God that blesses us and takes things away and who are we to raise our fists to the air.

God desires us to sing though. And that is why the gifts, and the salvation, and the happiness and joy. Because of His desire to listen to us sing together and follow Him in migration to Himself.


™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, November 10, 2008


My biggest hope is that this is not the way I go out. Laying there posing dead for a picture with two cow poke yokels standing over me grinning. I am not an anti-hunter, however, why would you want to kill a Grizzly Bear. Really. As a Grizzly Bear, I am appalled, as a human, I am pissed. I feel like the Caveman in the Geicko commercials. I do see the beauty in being there though. Not so much with the dead bear, but out in the woods hunting. I am planning a trip to Upper Canada in February with some friends to go winter camping. I can't wait. The website has a moose on the front page. I would love to see a moose in the wild. I want to get out of here for a minute and collect my thoughts, regroup. My life has been so busy that I feel like I can't breathe most days with stress and dread for the next day coming. It will be nice to go sleep outside in the cold and explore the wilderness.

Everyone needs a time in the wilderness I think. Jesus went to be tempted. To show the people and maybe himself at least on an experiential basis that we need God more than food, more than water, more than air. He threw off all He did not need, which was everything and submitted himself to His Father's Creation and the temptations of the evil one. I want that. I could do without the temptations, but need the wilderness. It is true that through suffering, we grow closer to Jesus. When we fast, our hunger and prayer brings us closer to Christ. When we sacrifice, we share in the sacrifice God made for us. When we dance, we dance for Christ without boundaries and inhibitions like David did. We become undignified and do not care, because of Christ. Living in constant chaos sometimes clouds my vision of Jesus and I need the wilderness to give me clarity, to remind me why I dance, and draw me to become even more undignified with every day.

For the poachers in the above picture. I will leave you with a warning below.

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Ooh, Listen To That

So my little brother Andy found my blog and commented on the Deathstone band we made when we were kids and it got we to thinking about when we were little. I thought I would give you a brief history over our shared experiences:

1. We were almost abducted in a video store parking lot. The burglar was thwarted by my heads up rolling up of the window on his arm which he barely got free.
2. We ruled the "Balls" area of Chucky Cheese by holding other kids under for long periods of time.
3. I broke a kid's arm who picked on him when I was 12.
4. We ran away together to the woods overnight while sleeping in a tent in the backyard.
5. I had a crush on his mom, as did every other kid on the block.
6. We demolished his parents newly finished bathroom.
7. Made pee snow cones from his Snoopy Snow Cone machine and gave them to his sister and friends.
8. We made a back yard child fight club, and cornered the little kids as they beat each other up. (We were just kids too, so don't call the cops yet)
9. We started a neighborhood thug street gang, called The Brat Patrol, named after the movie.
10. We opened a fraudulent ninja training school, charging kids from the block $5 dollars for training. The training included them getting beat up and not being allowed to cry. Walking across the top beam of the swing set without falling. Pulling a knife on another kid. Saying bad words into a tape recorder (This was in case the kid tried to tell on us, we could show their parents their bad word tape). They would also have to endure a really bad day. This day was the day that everyone would be mean to them and exclude them from all fun activities. If they survived the day without crying, they would move up a belt. We taught them moves we made up and holds to put people in that were based off of WWF. We made money, they got training, it was a win/win for everyone.

Oh and I forgot to mention the song we had in Deathstone called "Listen to That." In the song, one solitary note would be plucked on the guitar, and we would say after a dramatic pause, "Ooh, listen to that." That was the whole song.

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Amish Furniture

One of those days. You wake up and the world hates that you exist. There was more traffic than usual and I hit all of the red lights. My son took forever to get ready for school. I decided that I was not going to let my running a little late give me a bad day, so I stopped at Starbucks thinking I had enough time, however, after I paid it took 15 minutes for the coffee to get made because the forgot to make it or something. So I was late. I just felt lonely today. One of the challenges of working outside of an office is the amount of time I spend working in solitude. It wears on you sometimes and makes me want to answer sales calls just to talk to someone. I bet I could hear a lot more people wish they had my gig because of all of the annoying people they work with, but for now, this is my blog. You go write your own about that stuff. On the upside I got to talk online to a friend who is overseas in Afghanistan fighting Al Quada. It was nice, I haven't heard from him in a while and have been praying for his safety. God has kept him alive, so I am happy. Turned my day around. Now I have to study for an exam which sucks.

I leave you with a verse.

Jeremiah 23:28 "The prophet who has a dream, let him tell a dream; And he who has my word, let him speak my word faithfully. What is the chaff to the wheat?" Says the Lord. "Is not My word like a fire?" Says the Lord. "And a hammer that breaks the rocks to pieces."

Whatever God has given you, do it in the name of Christ for His glory. He are a gifted people all over this country, give those gifts in service for God. The Amish believe that in everything they do with their hands, any work that they do so before God. They are right, thats why we buy their furniture. Let's be like the Amish

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Time For The Apologies

My tantrum is over now. Whatever. Here are the positives about Barack Obama:
1. I like that he is African American. I think it speaks volumes about the racial state of our country, it is not as bad as it sometimes seems, and it is a huge advancement in the stereotype that racist whites have against black people, being he is a successful, intelligent, and powerful minority. 2. I like that he did not come from a super rich, elitist family that has no real idea what it means to be a real live average human living in tough times. 3. He has an incredible PR team. (Ok the last one was a bit backhanded)

Death count in Zombies tirade:
2 crusty old women who took too long to put their change away after they finished their transaction at the bank drive-thru.
1 Horse who gave me the stink eye
17 Canadian mounties, one of whom were riding the horse that gave me the stink-eye.
1 sheep
2 goats
1,000 cats, just because.

To all the of the families of those I harm. I AM SORRY.

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Typical Embittered Post Election Day Rant

The election didn't go the way I wanted and prayed it would. So what? It is common right now for people who are happy with the outcome to be happy and ask for the country to unite together. And it is common for those who were not happy with the outcome to make a choice to trust in God that everything is going to be OK for America. I want to unite with the other side, but I won't agree with abortion. Ever.

I am hopeful and full of faith that God will always take care of His people. I believe that and would go to the grave for that, however did God ever say America was going to be OK? When Israel acted rebelliously, did God look past and prosper the nation? No, there was considerable punishment. The kind that forced parents to eat their own children. I would say that the eating of children is not too far off from what our future administration seems to want to legislate. I have hope in what God will do ultimately in His people and in that sense I am at peace. However, if He does not put His hand into the situation (Which He does not always do) this nation will see new types of brutality on the unborn. Embryos fertilized and then "harvested" for the sake of a science that they have never proven any benefit from (That being that the stem cells from the unborn being any more useful than those of an adult). Failed abortion abortions, partial birth abortions. I do think that God has called us to freak out over loss of life, especially the lives of children. Or maybe the abortionist Christians think that they are interpreting the scriptures right that when Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me" He meant directly, before life has ever begun. Don't get me wrong, I believe those Christians that voted for Obama love God just as much as those that didn't, but I just don't get it. When did the economy become more important than human life? So today I will be one of the "Angry bloggers out there, who are bitter and ready to throw up their fists at society."

On the positive side, the throwing up the fists thing is a great way to raise awareness about abortion. I am going to work harder, and speak louder. Because this administration will be working harder to further "Abortion rights" as if we ever had the right to kill someone. Change is here, but I am not sure it is the change we need, maybe the change we think we want, but probably not the change we need.

God has this in control, I know that well. However, that does not always mean that He will hold back disaster, or that He will not bring down the gavel of judgment on a idolatrous and rebellious nation.

But as for me, and my house, we will serve the Lord.

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Father of the Year

In response to Rockstar's Blog claiming the Father of the Year crown. I would like to throw my hat into the race with this little piece of parenting genius.

In the posted picture, what you are seeing is Aevry careening down the big slide at Java Jungle because we thought it would be a good idea. Our philosophy, throw her down it and she will get used to it and not be afraid of anything. Click on the picture and blow it up and notice the finger nails trying to dig into the plastic on the slide.

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Prescription Ink Pens

I am looking at an ink pen and remembering how badly it hurt to write things down by hand. I used to write with my hands into journals. I like typing better, only when are drug companies going to start giving out free keyboards with their logo on them? My wife works with doctors everyday, rich ones that drive BMW's and think they can get younger, prettier girls than they usually would be able to. Well, she comes home with all of these ink pens with different drugs on them. In fact I think it is impossible to find a pen without a drug on it. So I want to jot down a phone message, I get a constant reminder from Viagra of what I have to look forward to. Well probably not me. But I don't like looking at it anyways, especially since so many of the drugs are bad for you to take in the first place. I was on a heart medication, that's main side effect was stroke. Now why would I want choose a stroke over a heart attack? Both suck equally. I saw a medication for a stomach ache and it's main side effect was brown, oil, anal discharge. I will take the stomach ache thank you very much. If I had to look at these poor quality pens while writing down things that are lengthy, I don't think I would keep a record of "Feelings" anymore. I would simply be less sensitive, more of the guy you can't quite read, so avoid. That guy sucks, but it would be better than the pain my hand feels when writing things down.

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Found this coupon on the Illinois Abortion Clinic Website. You can now get $20 off your next abortion, so no worries, just come on in. I sometimes really really hate this country.

Special Online Discount

Print this page and present at any Member Center


$20.00 off your 1st visit

Courtesy of:

Illinois Abortion Clinics Online

™Zombiehaven 2007. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.


Halloween isn't what it used to be. It is for babies now. I was little and remember trick or treating all night. It was 11 PM once and I was still going door to door waking people up and filling up an entire pillow case, not just some dumb little pumpkin bucket delivered by "The Man" to keep us down. But here are the pictures anyways. That's what holidays and vacations are all about right: The pictures?

™Zombiehaven 2007. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Rock and Roll Is From The Devil

Remember in the 80's when every day was Halloween? They all wore make-up and zombie torn clothes. I specifically remember cutting holes in my new jeans so I could look like the lead singer of Def Leppard in the video for "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I remember looking at Poison's first cd "Look What The Cat Dragged In" and thinking that there was a hot girl on the cover. Not even knowing the drummer was a guy who really made a hot girl. (See Below)

I was not unfortunately allowed to listen to such bands due to their obvious Satan Worship and desire to have me kill myself, so I had to enjoy in secret via dubbed tapes that had titles to Christian singers on the label, but sent forth some fierce drum beats and mind splitting guitar solos. Play them backwards and you may be told to kill someone, but forwards, they were golden. The day Striper came out and took the Christian music scene by storm, my mom was put on full alert by those in the church. "Rock and roll is the devil's music, whether sung by false prophets or Satan himself." I was banned from this as well. What was I supposed to do now? All avenues for me to rock out were stripped from me. So I started my own 80's metal band (Back then it wasn't called 80's metal, it was just metal) We called the band, wait for it......................................................................................................................................

Deathstone. We were the real deal Holyfield. We wrote our first song called "PoopStain" in my garage and set off on a whirlwind tour of our block. Our next single hit the charts with limited success called "My Comedies" and it was a rap rock song. I was way before my time, predating Limp Bizcuit, and Korn. This song didn't go over real well, due to the amount of profanities flying from the mouth of a 4th grader, but those that knew music, look to us as the saviors of the 80's. Remind me to tell you about the second time I revolutionized rock and roll with a band called "Objects Of Wrath."

™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


We went here last night for Rainy Day Joy's birthday party. Watching the video makes it look like the most horrifying experience ever. This is not true. We made the hour drive to get there while it was snowing. In October. We went in with high hopes and expectations. And to our dismay, we were let down. It wasn't scary, it wasn't really 4 stories of haunted house, only 4 stories of building, 2 of which you never see. We got in and out in about 15 to 20 minutes with no real scare at all. The illusions were cool. There were parts you thought you were on some ledge and the wall was closing in and pushing you off. There was this illusion with lights that looked like you were neck deep in water with things grabbing at your feet. It was fun, but not scary. Tonight is the youth group Halloween party, which is notorious every year for being gross, so we are excited about this years prospects. I love being scared. I love Halloween. Listed below are some of the best scary movies ever.

28 Days Later
28 Weeks Later
A Nightmare On Elm Street
The Exorcist
The Amityville Horror (The original)
30 Days Of Night
The Ring
Simon Birch

™Zombiehaven 2007. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, October 27, 2008

My Special Purpose (The Clean Version)

Every day I get up and sit in front of that computer to work. The first thing I do is check this blog, then the email, then I google my name to see if anything I have done has made a difference. It is pathetic I know, but I do not think that I have done all that I was meant to do. I don't want my high school glory stories to be the biggest thing I remember, I want to do things that I can see making a difference. One of the drawbacks of being a youth pastor, is that you rarely see the results of what you do. Too often, you see progress in the students you have had for the last 4 years and then they go off to college and do some pretty dumb things, just to come home distant from God in their lives. There are a couple of cases where I can see the effects of what God is doing in this ministry, but it takes too long. I want results now. I want to be able to see these kids walk through those gates myself. I guess I want that for really, really selfish reasons though. It doesn't make my work any easier, it only brings my encouragement level up a bit, and sometimes my pride which isn't good to have any of.
I have this delusion that one morning, I'll get up and sit at the computer and Google my name and pages and pages come up. Maybe I did something awesome without knowing it. Maybe something I wrote or said inspired someone to change the world. Maybe I won some sort of prestigious award. In dealing with my inevitable death, I have begun to panic in realizing I haven't reached my own goals I set for myself, which is fine, but is it wrong to set really big goals? I don't think so. God says, in his heart a man plots his path, but the Lord sets his feet down. I think it is OK to dream big as long as we are willing to deal with the fact that those dreams may not be what God has in mind for you. Maybe this is what God has planned. I hope not, but it maybe true.
Anyway, I will now go back to writing my sentences. I have committed to writing 100 times, "It is pathetic to Google your own name every day."

™Zombiehaven 2007. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Our Weekend

This weekend was one of the best I have had in a while. Because of some very little things I have forgotten existed. Saturday. we went to see Gumby in the hospital (He has kidney stone problems...ouch). We got the opportunity when we went to get to go out alone for a couple of hours. My mom took the kids and we went driving around, not quite sure what to do with all of this time. So we went to a little pub in Downtown Wyandotte called R.P. McMurphy's. The place was like stepping back into 1992 during the height of grudge, yet still popular and awesome. We ate some food and started walking down the street to get ice cream, but turned around at the fear that God might kill us for going out for ice cream without the kids. We went home for a family nap and sat around the rest of the day. Sunday, went to church and came home and just sat down and watched a movie. It was so simple, yet so great. No fireworks or roller coasters, just me and Laura spending time together. We have both been under so much stress lately, which is our own fault due to our lack of faith in God. We forgot how much we like each other. We worry and worry and forgot that we enjoy every minute of each others company. I missed the kids as always, but we need to get out more.

™Zombiehaven 2007. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


If we are a mist that appears for a while, then vanishes, then shouldn't we be smelling the flowers every time we see one?

™Zombiehaven 2007. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Friday, October 24, 2008


I waited about a month after we started dated to kiss Laura. She wasn't an Evangelical Protestant Dispensationalist Christian yet (see her post about my missionary dating ministry) so I think she may have thought that was a bit odd. She was really hot, so my assumption was that she has many guys try to kiss her on the first date. Not me. We went to the cider mill, then drove around talking for hours. I didn't want to complicate things by making it a physical relationship before it should be. I had found that when I allowed that to happen, I lost a certain amount of interest in the person due to the inability to connect with the person on a higher level than endorphins. So we talked for a month or so until one night we went to the pier. I had planned to kiss her finally that night, but I was having a bit of the jitters, which is a side effect to waiting so dang long to kiss her. There was now this, it better be good, or maybe it will never happen and we are just going to be friends thing which was not acceptable to me. So I did the deed. I kissed her under a light that hung over the river. It was dark, so you couldn't even see the rats swimming, so that was good. She was not accustomed to the Detroit River yet. She looked up at me after I kissed her and said, "It's about time." I liked that, it showed my reluctance had not gone unnoticed. She saw a difference. A difference that eventually helped lead her in the direction of Jesus, whom she serves with all of her self now.
I do not buy into the fundamentalist oriented (I said oriented, so don't get mad, proponents) views of dating. Such as you must both be Christians, or you have to be friends only until you both are Christians, or I should kiss dating goodbye completely and court or whatever that even means. I just don't buy in to it. It was not done this way in the Bible. The families basically set you up with whoever benefited the guy the most back then. And everyone around was the same faith. For me, people are people who all need Jesus, and we all need love. So why not mix them together in an appropriate way (I am only a little bit kidding). If done appropriately, there is not problem with the person you choose to be with. I agree that it is easier to be with a person of the same strong faith however this can make you both lazy and do things that shouldn't be done until the proper time. When you are always making sure you represent Christ to the other so they can get an accurate view, it breeds the glorification of God. I do not prefer ministry dating, I was an idiot who was on thin ice, however, I do not think God slaps rules on this issue. However, I do think that it is probably best if you do not marry an unbeliever because the differences so often lead to divorce. Anyways this post was just going to be about when I kissed Laura, but then it blossomed into this irrelevant Zombie jumble.

™Zombiehaven 2007. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Healer

God has been quite a healer in my family for the last couple of days. Laura has been going through some pain that the doctors have not been able to diagnose. Over the past week, she had lost the ability to speak due to the pain, until yesterday, when God provided us a doctor who gave her some meds that seem to instantly reduce the swelling and pain. Nice. I have been struggling with my asthma for the past week and lately I haven't been able to sleep because I can't breathe. I went to the doctor, which is extremely rare for me and I was given some different meds, and I am now breathing much better. I take for granted the healer that God is. In my head because I haven't opened my eyes to see a miracle lately, I have lost a little faith in the desire to heal from God. So many in my life have died, yet I forget the people that have been healed, including myself and my mother in law twice from cancer. God is a healer and has the desire to heal everyone, but this for whatever reason does not happen. Lately I have been more open to the fact that we owe God the apology when those we love die. Not because we caused it, but because of the sin that is in the world. We were created not to die, but to be healthy and full of life. It was sin that ruined that. So it is reasonable to believe that God is deeply hurt when we die. Just like when Lazarus died. Jesus knew he was going to heal him, yet he wept. I think he wept because Lazarus was never intended to die. God hates death more than any other. He is our Father, and when we die, He hurts like He lost his son or daughter.
So many ask this question about God: "If there is a God, why all of the death?" In the Francis Chan book I cited yesterday, he says that He could just as easily ask us the same question. Why all the death. It isn't God that desires death, but it is a fact of life and death in a fallen world. And it won't change until Jesus restores everything. However, we still have a healer God who desires and often performs miracles for us and He probably hates it when we look right past them to the negative. It is like when we receive a gift from someone and look at it as the giver smiles and delights in our opening it. When we look at that gift, then throw it to the side in disappointment looking for something better. He probably hates that because we are missing out on something beautiful and perfect and denying Him the glory and joy of your happiness.
We must remember that God wants to heal. Prayer is not pointless, it is powerful. And we should place our focus on the gifts He has given us every day. Like when I drop my son off at school and as he walks up the path to the door (which still makes me want to cry) he turns around and says, "I love you daddy." What a gift! What a life. Yet I catch myself focusing on the negative, when there is so much positive, so many blessings, so many healings.

™Zombiehaven 2007. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Monday, October 20, 2008

A Difference

A couple of days ago I attended the funeral of The Warrior. It had been months since she had been told she probably would not make it through the night. She was a warrior though and the doctors never take a Grizzly Bear seriously. At the funeral, so many stories were told by so many people. Her grandson got up and told about his memories of his grandma, whom he lived with for a while. He told about how much he hated getting up when she did at unreasonable hours to pray and read the Bible. He told us how much he hated it, but now realizes that his grandma was giving him not what he wanted, but what he needed. Through all of the stories of her witnessing to person after person and fighting the evils of this world relentlessly, it occurred to me that she had a large hand in my salvation. Jesus rescued me from train tracks, and there were others who fought for me too. But without that little old Grizzly Bear telling me that I was worth something to her and to God and that she would not stop praying for me every day until she dies made Jesus make sense. If it weren't for those people, I could have never connected that Jesus was a Savior now, not just 2 thousand years ago on the cross. He desired to heal me then and now. I want to be like that. In this book I am reading, "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan (You have to read it, even if you do not listen to another thing I say). In this book, he talks about how many of us see life as one big movie about us and we live in that movie accordingly. But the truth is this movie has always been about God, we are extras. We certainly would not rent out a theater and show everyone we know and try to pop out of a limo at the premiere if we were just some extra in the background that no one will remember in time. We need to live as if God were the only story and live to glorify Him all of the time giving ourselves and wants and dreams to Him. Even when things are going badly. This is God's story. Become that Grizzly Bear with me.


This video is amazing! John Piper has his head screwed on. God delights in the way we act and worship in the midst of pain and suffering. Glory is brought to God more in sadness and troubles and suffering than when we have an abundance of things. I want to thank all of you who have been praying for me lately. There were particularly terrible things happening to us, and particularly insensitive people coming against us, yet God stood us onto our feet firmly and gave us strength. There is this old Petra song (Yes, the 80's Petra) that said, "If He goes before me, how could I ever lose, if He goes before me, before I ever begin, I know I'll win." I like this one, they have their heads screwed on straight. God has been glorified today. Today I saw the sun. Today, the zombie won one and it has been a long time coming. I thank God for always being in control, and never, ever allowing me to give up. I thank you for your prayers.

Friday, October 17, 2008

What We Protest

I went last Sunday to one of the 40 Days of prayer locations to sit and pray for the end of abortion. I have been milling around the internet and gotten some emails regarding Planned Parenthood's response to the 40 Days of Purpose campaign which is a peaceful campaign to pray for the end of abortion together across the country for 40 straight days. Nothing harmful, nothing violent, nothing shouted, just prayer. I have been reading the response to this campaign and I think some of the comments by those that are offended by this peaceful protest need a little bit of answering. There seems to be this opinion that people who protest abortion are protesting woman's rights. This isn't true at all. There is no desire for women to have their rights taken from them or subdued. The protest is against abortion alone. Not the people, the act of abortion. If there are some that are harsh and unloving, shame on them, but do not get confused with the purpose.

There are many who are going out and protesting the protesters to stick it to them so to speak. There is a distinct difference here in the protest. Those protesting abortion are protesting something that is currently allowed by law and it their freedom to voice their anger and disagreement with the government and it's atrocities, just like it is the American's right to protest the war or disagree with it. The difference here is that in protesting the protesters, you are protesting the right for people to speak out and disagree. Abortion is legal, so you are not protesting the government who made it legal, you are protesting the people's right to speech. So many comments, which only the ones that agreed with them were allowed to be posted, referred to the intolerance of Christians of a woman's right to choose. But isn't more intolerance to protest a person's right to disagree? And to voice that disagreement in a peaceful way? Agree with abortion or not, if you are an American, you have the right to hate or condone abortion. And you have the right to gather together and protest. The coin has two sides.

It is also important to note that those that hate abortion, do so because they believe. I believe it is murder. We don't believe it is any person's right to choose whether a person lives or dies. I personally do not believe in the death penalty, or agree that war is the best answer, so understand that I believe life is precious for all people. If the heart is beating, he or she is alive. There is no real argument to that. If your heart is beating, you are living. If it stops, you die immediately. So to stick tools into the growing baby and take it's life is ending that child's possibility of life and a future on earth. Pro-life supporters are passionate about ending death in children, not about trying to push women down. Once again for those that are trying to push women down, or do so in the process, stop it now, do not judge others, and protest in peace.

Never, ever, ever protest a person. Ever.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Red Pill

One of the hardest things about being a pastor, or even a Christian is to learn to say only what will build up the church. There have been so many time I have wanted to say what I really feel, to be transparent to those that have walked on me. We are called to confront others that hurt us, but told to say only what is going to build them up, which sometimes means criticism in love. But what about anger? What about then the person hurts you and continues to hurt you. Does not apologize, and is not regretful for their actions? It breeds anger, and that anger can breed sin if let go. I have to learn to let things go. To say something to the person then walk away and let God deal with what that person needs to learn. The Bible says that those that are proud will be humbled and I have to believe that God has plenty of lessons planned for those that are proud, as He has had for me. Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and everything else will be added unto you. Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and everything else will be added unto you. Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and everything else will be added unto you. Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and everything else will be added unto you. I have to repeat this to myself over and over until the anger subsides and I am at peace again. Living how God wants us to live according to the Bible isn't always easy, especially when anger and other imperfect people are involved. It means putting the middle finger back in it's holster on the road, even when they drew first. It means definitely not saying the thing you know will cut another person low, even though you have been saving that little bullet up for a long time. It means apologizing for the dumb things you have said even in being right. Be the "Bigger person" and show the others by example how to act as Christ did in the face of conflict. There is a time to be silent, and there is a time to turn over tables. Make sure you choose wisely which pill to take. The Red or the Blue.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Zombie Becomes A Punching Bag

Well today, I decided to try my hand at Mixed Martial Arts. There is a training facility down the road from me and I decided to give it a try. I am a fan of the sport, and it looks easy on TV, so why not. Today I officially became the stupidest man on the entire face of this earth. I get there and they stretch you out in ways I haven't been stretched. Ever. Then they stood us up and said we had to stand with (Fist fight) every guy in there. No matter yours or their experience or weight or lifestyle. I first fought the youth kid I brought (yes I brought one of my students). It was fun, not too bad a couple shots here a couple there, a little rope a dope. Nice. Then I fought this enormous guy who proceeded to punch my face over and over again sending me reeling backwards and eventually to the floor. He laughed, my jaw felt broken. I got up and he punched me in the face some more. By now blood trickled from my lower lip and I smiled with red teeth. Also, I had no mouth guard. We were to fight 3 three minute rounds, with a minute break in between, then switch opponents and fight another 3 then another 3. The electric fence felt like a massage compared to the terrific beating I took. We finally got punched in the face enough, so he made us do some Jiu-Jitsu which I have prided myself in all these years. We took turns throwing each other to the ground with all of our force then stomping on each others arms and ribs until we were "Mounted." If you don't know what that is, do not worry, I was not raped, however mounting is when the bad guy gets on top of you with his legs basically pinning your arms down, then he punches you in the face until you die or give up. After the torture was over, we did some more agonizing stretches and it was over and I was sent limping home to my wife whom new I was an idiot. But you know what? It was a test. I can see what the movie Fight Club was talking about. There is something liberating about being broken down physically, emotionally, and mentally. You are forced to fight and go to places in your head that you usually do not visit to muster up the strength to not give up. I took a lot of punches, and I bled, but I kept going. I kept coming at them and getting punched again. Most will say this is insanity, but I say it was a necessary test. It puts things back into perspective for me with all of this nonsense that is going on in my life. Like the bird that snagged that fish. Getting beat up in every way reminded me that I need God. I need to stop fighting on my own and look to God. When I was drained of any energy I had left, I thought about the things that God has brought me through in my life and this little thing, this stupid thing will not ruin me. It only took some blood and sweat and tears. No not tears. (I did not cry, even though I wanted too). I told you I would be focusing on the Grizzly in me.

The Grizzly Bear

Laura tells me tonight, well technically last night. "Honey, you don't need two tomato based meals a day." I was inquiring about going to Wendy's at about 10 PM to get a chili after eating spaghetti for dinner. I looked at her and realized just how much Grizzly Bear has been taken out of me. Maybe not by her, maybe I am out of practice, but I am slipping. So tonight, I am going for a run, then I am going to chop down a tree with my bare hand. I then will shred a beer can with my teeth, and dump it' contents over my head. Then I will sit down right next to Laura and eat 3 more tomato based products right in front of her without regard for her feelings on the matter. I will instantly grow more hair on my chest, and I am now beginning the miracle beard for Christmas. The Grizzly returns.

By the way, I just posted a SCRIPT I wrote for a short film. It's rough, but I like the concept.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Just Hop The Fence, I Said

I jumped off of the trailer of the hay ride undetected by those in the trailer behind us. My mission? To scare them until the children peed a little. My cohort and I run deep into the woods to sneak attack the second trailer through the cover of trees and the absence of moon light. We waited and waited, then lurched forward to the shrieks and dismay of the mark. They were horrified, so we were happy. We walked back into the woods trying to figure out how to get back to our original trailer. We passed some trees, then some more trees, then some carnivorous deer who were not at all afraid of our presence in their homes. After a while we came upon a fence. This fence looked harmless enough, some rusty old wires sagging down. Nothing I could not scale easily. So I straddled the fence and was about to swing my other leg over when I noticed a single tight wire just above the fence, previously gone unbeknownst to me. I grabbed it with my hand to push it up and to my horror I began shaking with such a jolt as to almost make me pee a little. The shock was not constant, but it was a single powerful burst of electricity that I almost passed out. In my life, I have been very gently struck by lightning, lovingly caressed with a coronary, and cradled by the branches of a tree as I fell through it to the ground. And now, I know what it feels like to be trapped in an electric fence. It sucks. My cohort by the way just stands behind me as if he knew that would happen and he asks, "What was that noise?" It was me in the electric chair, that is what it was. Why does this never happen to the cohort. I could go in and do something stupid with a hundred people and I will still the the only one to suffer the consequences. What?

Friday, October 10, 2008

Weird Things Continued

I also write fake headlines like in a newspaper about people who cross me. I have toyed with the idea of actually making the newspaper and posting it, but that is one of those things that Jesus frowns on I think. Laura and I laugh for hours about the headlines that could be made. I would give examples, but that would be an idiot move by me. I am trying to practice the turn the other cheek thing. I am doing OK in the out loud stuff, but unfortunately, God sees the inside too.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Let's Play Pretend

I think I missed the milestone you reach when you stop pretending and making up fake scenarios in your head about things. I live as if there were someone watching, I know God is, but I mean I live shallowy (if that is a word) like as if someone is watching. I make sure I am always dressed at home and in the car, I imagine being watched. I think there is a fine line between imagination and schizophrenia here. I will make up scenarios and they are usually scenarios involving the worst things, like if I died or my whole family died. It is weird, and sometimes I fake crying in the mirror to see what I would look like if I lost it. I play video game football and in the dynasty mode, I actually have a commentary on the games running in my head and it last well into the night after have put down the controller and go to bed, I call this time the post game, where I field questions and take criticisms from the fake media. I have fake arguments with those that oppose me, and get to say all of the things Jesus would disprove of, which is a lot. What kinds of things do you pretend?

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Wifey Throws Down

Finally Laura has a blog of her own. I just want to let you all know now that it is over the torment she has put me through. She hovers over my shoulder as I write, correcting grammatical mistakes and clearing up things I may say that are inappropriate and forcing me to give credit for my stories and my writing to her just because she told me that I should blog about it. However, now this poses a different and maybe even bigger conflict: If something funny happens, who will blog about it first, and who was better? I have 1 advantage in that I have been writing longer and for now have more of an audience. She has a distinct advantage because she is smarter than me. So here goes the blog wars at home. So to get a jump start on her dirt, I want you to know that when we met she was on probation. Also, she got suspended her senior year for fighting two girls at once (She punched their noses).

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Nap

I wish I had a horse so I could ride it on the freeway in the fast lane holding up everyone from getting to where they want to go. It would be funny to hear a car horn honk at a horse. Or the horse takes a crap on someones windshield. Travel is kinda creepy though right? Imagine the coronary our forefathers would have if they were dug up and revived and rode in a car or on the subway. Not to even mention a plane, because I have a coronary ow on those. It isn't that I am afraid of crashing so much as I am afraid of crashing and surviving in the ocean and having to tread knowing there are sharks underneath scoping out the dead bodies. Nothing worse than being eaten by a shark. Nothing at all. So I avoid planes altogether. I think that if God had intended me to fly, I would do so without a man made contraption that breaks down. I know the odds, so don't come at me with that. The problem with the odds argument is that you can get into a car crash and probably you live. Maybe even just a little bumper bender or something. If you hit anything at all in the sky, we all die. They have the ejector seats in jets, why not in planes too? Seriously, where is everyone going all the time? We travel and travel and get nowhere. Sit down already. Take a breather. Take a nap. How good does a nap sound right now? Do it. Take one. At your desk, in your car, next to heater on the floor. Anywhere. Just lay down and take a nap and let the world deal without you for a while. I give you my permission.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

An Old Woman's Tire

I once went on this date with this girl I worked with just before I met Laura. She had asked me to go with her to a wedding, which I feel uncomfortable going to. I have never considered weddings to be good first dates because you have to do the two things that you look most awkward doing: eating and dancing. I am good at the former, but the latter I must admit I have not mastered. Well I needed a suit, so I went to JCPenney. I didn't get the memo I know. I got the suit and hid the tags so I could return it later. On the way to the wedding, I got a flat tire on my car, which is the worst thing if you are dressed up. I changed the tire silently cursing to myself the entire time and went to her house pretty late. I was embarrassed for some weird reason to tell her I got a flat, so I lied and said that I had helped an old lady change a flat. Because how can she be mad at me for being late for changing an old woman's tire. Only thing was, I parked in front of her house with the stupid looking doughnut on my front tire in plain sight. I know she saw it. We later went to the wedding and was seated at the table with her whole family. Her father, I am pretty sure was John Engler, the former Governor of Michigan, sat across from me in this elitist tuxedo and asked me question and question about investments and mutual funds; none of which I knew anything about; all of which I lied about. He knew it, so did she. I sat between her and her mentally handicapped brother, whom I found to be quite charming and fun. Accept, he had this thing for kissing on the lips and continually kept trying to suck face with me. It was time for the dancing and I got up and flopped around like an idiot while her friends all watch and chuckled. We drove back to her house later and didn't speak much, I left and we didn't speak again. I didn't care though, she liked Ricky Martin. She didn't laugh at my jokes. She wasn't very interesting.

Thursday, October 2, 2008


Depression. It is hard on me, but in some ways even harder for those who love me. It is impossible to communicate a reason or purpose for it and I think the not knowing makes those who love us more confused and self conscious about themselves. So I will try and explain the way I see things when I am battling. I see things dull. The lights are dim, the colors faded. I see the sad in every face I see. I see only the bad, and dwell on it. Which brings me shame because there are so many with real problems, and that are going through things much worse who are able to keep their heads high. I kick rocks all day and lie awake all night. October is the worst month of the year for me for both good and bad reasons. I had a friend in middle school who hung himself in October. I tried to get hit by a train in October. However I also got saved in October, but that brings me sadness too because I miss being that passionate about something. I miss feeling the reality of my salvation and the love God has for me. I told my wife I loved her for the first time in October, followed by our first kiss, ro maybe the kiss was first. The way I feel right now is the way I felt when I laid down on those tracks, things haven't changed with my sadness. What has changed is the hope that God has brought me. I would never lay down on the tracks again because I know it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know that one of these days in a while, I will wake up to the sun and it will be over. But for now, things are sad. Worse than last year, worse than most years.

My son hit his head at the park and hurt himself a couple months ago and on the way to the hospital, he asked me with the most pitiful voice if he was going to be alright. I have found myself asking God the same question with the same uncertainty lately. The upside of the sadness is that it makes me work harder to see God. Things get blurry and I lose my sight of God's hand, which is terrifying to me. So I search harder for Him and searching for God is never a bad thing, however sometimes I wish He would open my eyes for me. I feel like I am calling for him in the dark and He isn't coming for me, He isn't speaking so I can follow his voice. I am one who has seen proof of God, so I do not doubt His existence, but I do doubt His hand often.

I have been talking to my youth kids about being transparent lately. Letting others see the entire you, even the bad, and especially the things that bring you sadness. Because these things glorify God more than our strengths do. Weaknesses are hard things to drag into the light for everyone to see because most of us are ashamed of them. I guess that is why I talk about my depression a lot. I feel shame for feeling the way I do and for not being able to at least give a reason for it, so I drag it into the light for others to see. That being said, I have another problem that I have never spoken with anyone but my wife and a therapist about. It makes me sad, and it hurts me emotionally and physically. I have always been horrored with the thought of talking about it, but I've got nothing to lose right now. I want nothing to hold me back. I have Tourettes Syndrome. I don't shout things out or say bad words or anything like that, but on the inside my nerves are wrecked. They send impulses to places in my body to move, thus a twitch. The issue is not as much the symptoms on the outside as they are the issues on the inside, although the external issues are sometimes bad. I will discuss this later. On the inside, I want to crawl out of my skin. I have done this my whole life and not once has any of my friends asked me about it. Which I appreciate, however I was taught that you are weird if you have it. People laugh at you, and always think the worst when they know someone who has it. I agree, at times it is funny. But the person who has it isn't laughing I promise you. So I don't talk about it and I think that the kindness of my friends has helped me keep it in and feel even worse. So I am dragging it into the light kicking and screaming. Because I do not want anything to get in the way of others seeing nothing but Christ in me.