Thursday, November 29, 2007
I have just returned from a morning of sorrow. A day of celebration turned to a day of grief and wailing. This day was never given a fair chance for for the people at the funeral I have just returned from. How do you approach a funeral like this one, a funeral of a woman who committed suicide leaving behind a wonderful kid with a bright future. This was no ordinary woman now residing in a ceramic jar in front of the church. This was a woman that was the definition of kindness in life. Most people feel the need to eulogize a person as a saint after they have past simply out of guilt, but the truth be told, this woman was golden. One of very few in my life I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I was a boy without much, from a family without much and kids at school are cruel and merciless. She picked me up and took me school shopping. Not the kind where you get an shirt and some pants, the shopping spree kind. Over the next several years she made sure I was in really, really nice shoes, ones that I would not get made fun of for wearing, the kind that ugly kids steal. I will never forget that, but what is so saddening to me is that through all of that huge heart she had, she couldn't find a reason to hold on. She was lonely, her name was Mary Jo. She was a close friend to my family. I fed her grown son as a child. She gave everything she had to everyone. She was full of love. Her heart broke for hurting people. She is gone. I do not understand why. They say that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness in that you are not thinking of those that you leave behind, but what if you don't believe there is much to leave behind. What if, she say had grown up son that was accomplishing everything he ever wanted in life and she felt no longer needed. What if all of the people she had loved so much and took care of so much didn't make it eternally clear what she meant to them. Maybe they did and it simply wasn't enough to ease the pain of life, of lonliness. Mary Jo shined her faith like the sun. She did have faith, she didn't have joy. I wish she didn't do what she did, we could all go and tell her that what she gave to us was untouchable, it was a diamond in a world of mud. I could tell her that keeping me from getting made fun of for a couple of years may have saved my own life. I could tell her that I have never, and I mean that, ever seen another person like her. I wish I could tell her that now, but I do believe apart from some other Christians, that she will be speaking to Jesus the next time I see her. I will learn to cherish all relationships I have and take nothing for granted, I promise that to God. Goodbye Mary Jo.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.